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Insurance jokes 📋 in 2025

Why couldn’t the great baker get any insurance?
– Because she was high whisk.

The insurances of Elon Musk’s rockets are astronomical.

My brother opened an insurance agency that specifically covered earthquake and fire damages.
– He named it ‘Shake n Bake’!

What is the one thing insurance agents can’t ever sell to a ghoul?
– Life insurance.

What would you call it if you saw an insurance commercial that showed flying cars and metal cities?
– I guess it would be Progressive.

Life is beset by many annoyances, and those that stand out above all are the life insurance agents.

Why don’t the salmons need any health insurance?
– That’s because they all get cured for free.

What did God say when he created actuaries? He scratched his head and said, “Go figure!”
– They took it literally.

One day, my family and I went to the picnic and a black bear was spotted roaming near our car. I asked my dad if the car insurance policy covered bear attacks.
– He just said, “No, I have bear minimum insurance”.

What happened when an insurance salesman and her husband were driving to a friend’s house and suddenly the brakes failed?
– The insurance agent told the husband, “Brace yourself and try to maybe hit something cheap.”

I bought a new life insurance policy but the small print is impossible to understand. All I´m sure of is that after I die, I can stop paying.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

Why was the insurance company refusing to pay after lightning struck the church?
– Because they said it was an act of God, therefore, deliberate destruction by the owner.

Yesterday a life insurance salesman was sitting beside me at the Death Metal concert.
– Yes, and through it all, he offered me cover and protection.

My sister told me that she was skeptical about vision insurance.
– I told her to at least look into it!

What do sheet metal ducts care about the most when it comes to insurance?
– The deductible.

The rat went to his insurance salesman to get his car’s insurance.
– He opted to take the road dent insurance!

Two women are playing golf when one of them ask the other, “Do you and your husband have mutual climax?”
– The other woman replies, “No, I think we have State Farm.”

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