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Holiday jokes ๐Ÿ–๏ธ in 2024

What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky?

– It looks like rain, deer.

I bought a treadmill because my New Yearโ€™s resolution is to have more things to put my laundry on.

Whatโ€™s red and white and falls down chimneys?
– Santa Klutz.

Knock, knock.
– Whoโ€™s there?
– Murray.
– Murray who?
– Murray Christmas, one and all!

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
– I give up.
– Frostbite.

What did one snowman say another snowman?

– Youโ€™re cool.

My New Yearโ€™s resolution is to be more assertive, if thatโ€™s ok with you guys?

Experts agree the best way to save money on gift giving this holiday season is by alienating all your friends and family.

Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
– Brother: A list of everything I want!

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

– The letter โ€œY!โ€

What does an elf work on after school?

– His gnomework.

For those of you who have already failed your New Yearโ€™s resolution, like I have, there is always the Chinese New Year to try again.

What do elves do in school?
– What?
– Presentations!

What do elves do after school?
– I donโ€™t know. What?
– Their gnome work!

What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?

– A chill pill.

All that time spent selecting and decorating, and a week after [Christmas], you see the tree by the side of the road, like a mob hit.
– A car slows down, a door opens, and a tree rolls out.

The older you get, the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder.

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, โ€œItโ€™s going to rain.โ€

– His wife asked, โ€œHow do you know?โ€

– โ€œBecause Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.โ€

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