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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

Why did Robert fail the medical exam when his right shoulder was X-rayed?
– Because he did not put his heart into it.

What happens when a cardiac surgeon tries to do comedy?
– The viewers have heartburn.

Did you hear about the heart that went to jail?
– Reporters said it was cardiac arrest.

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
– He wakes up as he’s being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

“Am I in heaven?” asks the disoriented priest.

“No” says one of the nurses. “We’re just taking a short cut through the children’s ward.”

Who wrote the best love songs in the 60’s?
– Heart Garfunkel

Why was the ghost scared of coming out in the light?
– He did not have the heart to do it.

Why would the Backstreet Boys turn out to be terrible cardiologists?
– Because they will say that whatever you have is nothing but a heart-ache.

A fortune teller told me I’d suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
– To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

The double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald’s holds a special place in my heart.
– Mainly in the Coronary artery.

How can you tell when your heart is ready for a big game?
– It’s really pumped up.

What do you call an attack on an organ donation bank?
– A heart attack!

Why didn’t Daisy pay rent to live with her boyfriend?
– Because she lived in his heart.

My uncle has the heart of a lion, the eyes of a hawk, and the legs of a cheetah
– He’s also a trained taxidermist

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken tothe hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
– Seeing God she asked “Is my time up? ”

God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
“I thought yousaid I had another 43 years.
Why didn’t you pull me fromout of the path of the ambulance?”

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