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Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party?
– Because you can party hearty.

Why was the musician taken to the hospital right after his performance?
– Because he played his heart out in it.

What did Herbie, the gardener gift his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
– A heart-beet.

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.
– We may not have as much experience as y’all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.

We’ll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

All You Need Is Love
– A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, ‘Guess Who?'” “But why?” asks the man.

“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

What car did the heart surgeon have for himself?
– A beater.

I have the heart of a lion.
– And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I have the eyes of an artist, the mind of a scientist, the hands of a pianist, and the heart of a child.
– Now I’m getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.

What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?
– My heart beats for you.

What is Cupid’s favorite rockband?
– Heart.

on their sleeves.

There are 2 ways to a man’s heart. Through his stomach and through his pants.
– So why not kill two birds with one stone and go for a creampie.

Three old grannies are on a park bench when a very attractive naked young man runs by in front of them.
– The three old ladies, who hadn’t had action in decades, fixed their eyes on the handsome hunk and gasped.

Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, “wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack.”

Edna, rubbing her neck, added, “I almost had an asthma attack!”
r>Mavis , still reaching in front of her, out of breath, exclaimed, “I almost had a stroke– but he was just out of my reach.”

Why are artichokes the most loving vegetable?
– Because they have heart.

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