Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

Why did Gary send pictures of his heart X-ray to his girlfriend every month?
– He wanted to show that his heart is in the right place.

What did the cardiac surgeon say when he knew that the transplanted organ reached his home instead of the hospital?
– Home is where the heart is.

Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race and changes your life forever.
– We call these people cops.

I had heart palpitations, sweating and aches on the day of my first Covid-19 Vaccine
– But once I got in and actually had the jab I was fine!

What did Cupid say the day before Valentine’s Day?
– I can heartly wait.

When the heart was found guilty of stealing, what did the heart police do?
– They went for a cardiac arrest.

After the bypass surgery, which movie would be a cardiologist tell her patient to watch?
– Braveheart.

The best way to a man’s heart is through the stomach
– And up past the ribcage.

Why are zombies great chefs?
– They can REALLY put their heart into things

What do you call a film on an organ donation bank?
– The Heart Locker.

What did the cardiologist say to his girlfriend, who is a Geology student on Valentine’s Day?
– You make my heart gush, and thus I lava you.

My doctor told me I have an enlarged heart.
– I guess that’s what I get for learning the true meaning of Christmas.

Dr. In Heaven (Long)
– A world famous heart surgeon had a massive heart attack and suddenly found himself in heaven. He was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter and was warmly welcomed.
After touring heaven he noticed that for every thing in heaven, there was a long line of people waiting to get in. Movies-line, bathroom-line, bar-line. There was a line for everything!
The Dr. suddenly felt a little hungry and went to a fast-food hamburger place at which there was of course, a line.
So, he got in line and waited, and waited, and waited as the line moved slowly forward.
Finally, the surgeon made it to the front of the line, and just as he started to give his order, he heard someone behind him saying “excuse me, coming through, pardon me, excuse me” as a man wearing a dirty old lab coat and a stethoscope around his neck pushed past the surgeon and began giving his order.
The surgeon was livid! He shouted “I’m a famous heart surgeon, I’ve saved countless lives, I’ve stood in this stupid line for hours just so this nimrod can cut in front of me?”
The man behind him him whispered
“That’s just God. He likes to think he’s a doctor”.

What does the man call his girlfriend whom he met on Twitter?
– Tweetheart.

What would you call a bad date with a cardiologist?
– A heart time.

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.
– Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a gynecologist.”

Did you boys ever hear of the planet where the inhabitants were mobile flowers?
– Remarkably similar to Earthly blossoms, but they had feet and human intelligence.

The whole planet was ruled by a king called Richard the Artichoke-Heart, and one day at a court orgy his eye was caught by Fuchsia, a pale-eyed perennial. Her beauty was so great it almost made up for her stupidity.

Refusing to believe the ancient principle that beauty times brains equals a constant, the smitten monarch engaged royal tutors of all sorts for Fuchsia, from Mathematicians, to Scientists, to Historians, but to no avail. All failed to engage the attention of the witless concubine, whose only apparent interest was in gathering pollen. At last, the embarrassed Richard gave up and had Rotenone slipped into her soup.

As he exclaimed to his prime minister later that night,
“I can lead a horticulture, but I can’t make her think!”

Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail?
– Because she stole his heart.