Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

What was the Irish dancer called after he died?
– Michael Flatline.

Why did Karen gift her boyfriend a lettuce plant?
– Because it’s all heart.

To kill a French vampire you need to drive a baguette through their heart.
– It may sound easy, but the process is painstaking.

What do you call the smallest mother?
– The minimum

(Not OPs, but chuckled, heart = warm)

How did the cardiac surgeon show his girlfriend where his heart lay?
– With a scalpel and bone saw.

When is the worst time to have a heart attack???
– When you’re playing charades nobody gonna help you

I’m looking for someone with a good heart, not someone with good looks.
– Please I really need that heart transplant

Why did the Valentine get arrested?
– For stealing someone’s heart.

What happened when the patient refused to get a heart transplant?
– He had a change of heart.

Why was the student cardiologist crying when after he went through a dissection class?
– Because it was heart-breaking.

To raise heart health awareness, Cardi B changes her name…
– To Cardi O

A religious man was thinking about how good his wife was to him, so he prayed to god to give thanks.
– To the man’s astonishment, the booming voice of god spoke to him.

**Man:** God, I’m so grateful that you gave me my wife. If I may ask, my Lord, why did you make her so beautiful?

**God:** I made her so beautiful so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** And why did you make her so kind-hearted?

**God:** I made as such so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** And God, did you make her such an amazing cook?

**God:** I blessed her with the talent of cooking so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** Thank you, Lord, but forgive me but I must ask one more question. Why, God, did you make her so dumb?

**God:** I made her dumb, my son, so that she could Love you.

What is Cupid’s favorite rock band?
– Heart

What happened to the bear with heart problems?
– It had a Kodiak arrest.

What did the heart weather girl say to her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day?
– My love for you cannot be measured, it is off the ch-hearts.

Three men are outside of Heavens gate waiting to get in.
– Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says ” I know we are dead but it How could it be much worse”.
The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”.

A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.
– The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.

The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.

Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks “Why did you choose that heart?”

The patient responds “Because I know that heart has never been used.”

What was the heart-wrenching story Sara narrated?
– It was how a cardiac surgeon became a car mechanic.