Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

My friend got a heart transplant, but regretted it immediately.
– He had a change of heart.

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out
– A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?

Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.

Cop: So, why are you crying?

Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.

Which animal shares the most love?
– A heartvaark

Why did the skeleton refuse to propose to his girlfriend?
– His heart was not in it.

What did the cardiologist’s mother say to her children at dinner?
– Eat your heart out.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
– God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.

“That’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?” she asks.

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon … similar jobs?
– A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, “So, Doc, look at this engine.

I open its heart, take valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing

basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic,

“Try doing it with the **engine running**.”

What did the painter say to his girlfriend?
– “I love you with all my art.”

What was the easiest way to reach a man’s heart?
– Through his chest.

What do you call a lover who left his date in the midway of Valentine’s Day?
– He is a halfhearted lover.

What causes a pirate to have a heart attack?
– Something clogged their arrrrrrteries

A charity collector paid a visit to the town miser.
– “I know you made a profit of more than $500,000 last year alone. Yet you haven’t made one donation to our charity!” he berated the miser.

The miser looked up in anger.
“Well, did you also know about my elderly mother, who is currently undergoing an expensive, prolonged treatment for her heart disease? Or about my brother, who has a family of seven, and can’t pay his own mortgage? Or about my disabled son, who requires therapy that costs $800 a week?”

The collector hung his head in shame.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“Well, none of them can get a cent off me. What makes you think I’ll give you a donation???”

What is the favorite musician of the cardiologist?
– Heart Garfunkel.

My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said “This isn’t working”
– Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.

Never break someone’s heart. They only have one of them.
– Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Who did the man send a Valentine to through twitter?
– His tweetheart.

Which is the most loving vegetable?
– An artichoke, as it has a heart.

Why could the physician not find their lover’s heart during the surgery?
– Because it was