Heart jokes ❤️ in 2025

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
– All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

What did the drum say to the drumstick?
– My heart beats for you.

Why should you remember to take the candles off your cake before you eat it?
– You might get heartburn.

So they say you can get a heart transplant from a pig now
– Call me a Guinea pig doc’

A man loses his hat and decides the easiest way to get another one is to steal it.
– He goes to the church cloakroom to get a hat. A sermon about the Ten Commandments was going on. The man pauses to listen and then changes his mind. On nearing the exit, he runs into the pastor.

He says, “I came here with sin in my heart. I must say, you saved me from crime.”

The pastor replies, “That’s nice to hear. What sin were you about to commit?”

The man replies, “I came here to steal a hat, but your sermon made me change my mind.”

The priest says, “May I know what part of my sermon made you see the error of your ways?”

The man replies, “When you reached the ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’ part, I suddenly remembered where I left my hat.”

What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
– I lava you with all my heart.

Why did the heart bang the door so many times for permission?
– It had palpitations.

Why did Lily paint the hearts in her Valentine’s Day card in white?
– Because she was feeling lighthearted.

My mother always said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
– She was a lovely and generous woman, but a terrible surgeon.

How does a male farmer win the heart of a female farmer?
– Attract her.

What is the favorite non-fiction book of a Cardiology teacher?
– The “Heart of Living”.

My friend got a heart transplant, but regretted it immediately.
– He had a change of heart.

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying his heart out
– A passing cop stopped and asked, what happened?

Old man: I have a beautiful young wife. Every evening she cooks the most delicious meals and serves it in candle light and then we have a romantic night.

Cop: So, why are you crying?

Old man: Because, I have forgotten where I live.

Which animal shares the most love?
– A heartvaark

Why did the skeleton refuse to propose to his girlfriend?
– His heart was not in it.

What did the cardiologist’s mother say to her children at dinner?
– Eat your heart out.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
– God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.

“That’s true,” says God.

“So what happened?” she asks.

God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”

Mechanic vs. heart surgeon … similar jobs?
– A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the

mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?”

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, “So, Doc, look at this engine.

I open its heart, take valves out, fix ’em, put ’em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.

So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing

basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic,

“Try doing it with the **engine running**.”