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Harry Potter Jokes 👓 in 2025

Are you a Snitch?
-Because you’re the finest catch here.

How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.

What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?
– Broom-mates.

Hows does Voldemort enter a room?
-He slithers in.

Luna Lovegood: “I slept with a Brazilian….”
-Hufflepuff: “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
-Why so Sirius?.

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
-“Why so Sirius?”

Roses are red. Violets are blue…
-I thought Voldemort was ugly, and then I saw you.

Do you like Harry Potter?
-Because I a-Dumbledore you!

How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-One. It is the only thing they are good for.

What did Harry say to Hermione when she lent him a galleon?
-Thanks for the gold kind, Granger.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
-Gifted.

How many Slytherin does it take to stir a cauldron?.
-Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.

Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?
-Because it’s in the green house.

How do you fix a broken tuba?
-With a tuba [tube of] glue.

How do you know if someone’s a pure-blood?
-Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
-With Dementos.

What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
-Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

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