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Harry Potter Jokes 👓 in 2024

How do you fix a broken tuba?
-With a tuba [tube of] glue.

How do you know if someone’s a pure-blood?
-Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
-With Dementos.

What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
-Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Want to make some magic together?
-My wand is at the ready.

How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-What’s a lightbulb?

If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named?
-Hermitwo and Hermithree.

Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing?
-She wanted to reach the high notes!

Why is Garrick Ollivander never home?
-He’s a wanderer!

Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?
– They’re both cauldron.

Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?
-Because he spoke python.

Why aren’t there any guns in Harry Potter?
-Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub.
-The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”
The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

Are you a Dementor?
-You just took my breath away.

How does Harry Potter enter a door?
-Through the Gryffin-door.

Why doesn’t Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?
-Offshore investment gains a better return.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
-Pregnant.

What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?
-Something Gin-ey

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