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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

What would a lawnmower grandfather’s epitaph be like?
– ‘Now he’s lawn-gone’.

What did grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant?
– He just asked what sort of fish that was.

What does grandpa say when a waiter asks about the food at the restaurant?
– He points at our finished plates and confirms, “They almost didn’t like it.”

PSA: Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believing all is well in the kingdom.

My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa.
– Then my mom hid the urn from me.

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts
– They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

Why was grandpa counting pennies?
– Because he was the only one with time and money in his hand.

What do you say when a grandpa, his son, and his grandson all hear a joke, laugh a lot, and wet their pants?
– It runs in their ‘jeans’.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandpa did.
– Not screaming in terror, like the passengers on his bus.

My grandpa’s favorite joke
– Two guys are driving from Kansas to Maine and they drive by a sign for Worcester, MA. They both look at eachother and say, ‘how the hell do you pronounce that?” The driver says “War-chester”, the passanger says, “Nah, its gotta be “wir-ster”. They argue a bit and decide that the only way to know for sure is to get off at the exit for Worcester, go into the first place they see and ask a local. The winner gets $20. They shake on it. They come up on the exit, get off and go into the first place they see, as agreed. They go up to the counter and say to the kid running the front desk “hey son, now this is very important, my friend and i got $20 riding on this. I need you to slowly and clearly tell us the name of where we are”. The kid looks at him and leans over the counter and goes “DAI-RY QUEEN”

Prolly heard it 1000 times over his lifetime. Never got old.

Why did grandpa say, “Ask grandma for picnic permission”?
– Because it won’t be allowed if grandma said no!

During a church service, a grandfather leans over to his wife and whispers, “I just let out a fart. It was silent. What should I do now?”
– Grandma answers, “You need to change the batteries in your hearing aid.”

I asked my Grandpa. “What were your good old days”. He said…
– “They were before I was good and before I was old”

Got this from my grandpa.
What is the similarity between 2 clocks and 2 women?

Ans:
They never agree.

Why do you think grandpa says that he was made upside down?
– Because his feet smell and his nose is always running.

What does grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?
– He doesn’t listen.

What did the lawyer grandfather say to the waiter who wrote the bill at the cash counter?
– Whoever writes it, pays for it.

Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job!

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