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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into the house, told my dog…we laughed a lot.

Were my Grandpa alive today
– He would probably suffocate in his coffin.

My grandpa’s last words before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”
– That spoke volumes.

How did the grandma stop my grandpa’s habit of biting his nails after 40 long years?
– She hid his glass of teeth.

What did the mother turkey say to her mischievous son?
– If your grandpa saw you now, he would roll over in his gravy!

A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.
Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: “Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale”

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60…
– Now he’s 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

Why didn’t anyone listen to my warning about the Titanic drowning?
– My grandfather replied, “Because you were in the theater, little boy”.

What did grandpa name the Italian restaurant he started in grandma’s memory?
– Pasta Way!

What was the reason for grandpa changing his major?
– So that he could switch to Classics from Literature.

I’m taller than my grandpa
– I’m 5.3 ft and he’s -6 ft

Before my Grandpa moved, he was the happiest man alive.
– Now he lives in Missouri…

What did the tall grandpa say to the little boy?
– You will have to do your own growing boy, my height won’t help you with that.

Why did the grandpa say no to local anesthetic on the day of the operation?
– Because he was looking forward to an imported one.

So, after this quarantine, will the producers of “My 600-Pound Life” just find me or do I find them?

Told my Grandpa’s favorite joke at his funeral and it helped cheer some sad eyes….. What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?
Their wages were garnished.

My grandpa hated people with less than 5 toes on each foot
– He was lactose intolerant

Why do you think grandpa says that his wife makes cookies the fastest?
– Because she just takes nana-seconds to bake them.

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