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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

My grandpa’s so cheap…
– When he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light – and turn it off.

Why didn’t anyone know where the grandfather was?
– Because he started walking 10 miles every day since his 65-year-old birthday and now he is 95.

What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?
– “How far do you think I can kick the bucket?”

Grandpa Joke
– There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.

My grandpa loves to listen to music on the radio.
– His favorite genre is Hip-pop.

Why did grandpa like an ‘All-you-can-eat’ restaurant more than grandma’s cooking?
– Because he could decide when he was full at the restaurant.

Why did grandpa have the dog beside him always?
– So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks.

Why do you have to take permission from grandpa to sell fish?
– Because he is the cod-father.

Soviet joke my grandpa told me
– Brezhnev is showing his mother how well he has done. He shows her his suite in the Kremlin, his country house with a fully stocked kitchen, his Black Sea villa, his limousine. She says: ‘This is all really nice…but what will you do if the Bolsheviks come back?’

My Grandpa seemed distraught after losing his watch at the Nursing Home.
– I said, Grandpa, what will you do…….He gave me a wink and said…..I will search every Nook and Granny

What is grandpa’s bedtime?
– One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair.

How did grandpa react when his grandson told him he wanted to go abroad to study?
– He said, “You sure got to study lots of boards”.

I made a little sandcastle with my grandpa.
– Now I’m banned from the crematorium.

My great-grandpa died in Auschwitz
– He was really drunk and fell off a watchtower

Why didn’t the grandpa use glasses even when he was an 80-year-old?
– Because he likes drinking from the bottle.

What do people call jokes when they get old?
– A grandpa joke.

My grandpa was the wisest and once told me that when you do what you love you never work a day in your life and he is so right!!!
– I love drugs!

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