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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

Why do you think grandpa says that his wife makes cookies the fastest?
– Because she just takes nana-seconds to bake them.

What happened when grandpa insisted to everyone that the Titanic would sink?
– He got kicked out of the theatre.

One Sunday, little Johnny’s grandpa asks him a question,
“Do you know what one eye said to the other eye?”
“No, grandpa.”
“It said, Between you and me, something smells.”

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.
– I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

What happens when a boy, his father, and grandpa laugh so hard that they pee their pants?
– You get to know that it runs in their jeans.

How does grandpa refer to grandma when she feels all crabby?
– Hey there, old bae!

Where do you keep your grandad jokes?
– In a ‘grand-dad-a-base’.

Joke my grandpa told me.
– So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for three shots. The bar tender asks why 3? The guys says he has 2 brothers. one who lives in England, one who lives in Scotland. He says he has a shot for all 3 of them, so it feels like he’s with the. The bartender give the guy his three shots. The guy continued to do this for a while. One day, the guy comes in and the bartender says, “three shots?” The guy says only two. The bartender asks the guy what happened to his brother, or if he’s ok. The guy says that his brothers are fine, he just quit drinking.

I just found out my Grandpa, a lifelong Republican is going to vote Democratic this fall.
– This would never happen if he were still alive.

Why didn’t anyone know where the grandfather was?
– Because he started walking 10 miles every day since his 65-year-old birthday and now he is 95.

Why didn’t grandpa like the new walking shoes?
– Because he unwrapped them and kept looking but they didn’t walk on their own so he thought they were broken.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

My grandpa’s so cheap…
– When he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light – and turn it off.

Why did grandpa like an ‘All-you-can-eat’ restaurant more than grandma’s cooking?
– Because he could decide when he was full at the restaurant.

What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?
– “How far do you think I can kick the bucket?”

Grandpa Joke
– There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.

My grandpa loves to listen to music on the radio.
– His favorite genre is Hip-pop.

What is grandpa’s bedtime?
– One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair.

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