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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2024

Dad, can I play with grandpa?
– “Only if you bury him back once you’re done.”

Why do people give a shout-out to their grandpa on their birthdays?
– Because that is the only way grandpa can hear them.

How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails?
– She hid his dentures.

After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma “honey”, “sweetie”, “baby”, and “sugar”. I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.
He said “i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I’m afraid to ask.

A little boy comes running Into the room and says, “Grandpa! Grandpa! Can you make a sound like a frog?” The Grandpa says, “I don’t know, why?”
– The little boy says, “Because grandma says as soon as you croak, we can go to Disneyland!”

What are the two things your grandpa doesn’t like about you as a little boy?
– One, you don’t want to sleep in the afternoon. Two, you won’t let him take a nap either.

Why did grandpa love grandma so much that he called her love, honey, darling even after 60 years of marriage?
– Because grandpa had forgotten grandma’s name.

What do you call a grandpa whale?
– A hunch back whale.

Little Johnny was staying the vacation at grandpa’s.
– Little Johnny asked grandpa if he could get him something to drink? Grandpa went to the kitchen to get Johnny some lemonade.
Whe Grandpa got back from the kitchen little Johnny threw a bucket at grandpa’s feet. Grandpa lost his temper and shouted “why the hell did you do that you little brat?!”r>
Little Johhny awnsered: “But dad said we would get a new car if you’d kick the bucket……”

My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.
– He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe

Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?
– Because he had a lion’s heart.

What confirmed the fact that grandpa should retire?
– When he stopped lying about his age and switched to boasting about it.

I need to practice social distancing from … the refrigerator.

My grandpa always said there are two kinds of people…
– That was it. He was transphobic.

My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink.
– When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

What is the best thing about being 100 years old according to grandpa?
– Grandpa said, one get’s to live without peer pressure.

What happened to grandpa’s origami business?
– It folded.

The last thing my grandpa said before kicking the bucket…
– Hey Ed, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? He tripped and fell into a ravine. RIP pops.

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