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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.
– He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe

Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?
– Because he had a lion’s heart.

What confirmed the fact that grandpa should retire?
– When he stopped lying about his age and switched to boasting about it.

I need to practice social distancing from … the refrigerator.

My grandpa always said there are two kinds of people…
– That was it. He was transphobic.

My grandpa tried to warn everyone The Titanic was gonna sink.
– When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times, eventually they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater.

What is the best thing about being 100 years old according to grandpa?
– Grandpa said, one get’s to live without peer pressure.

What happened to grandpa’s origami business?
– It folded.

The last thing my grandpa said before kicking the bucket…
– Hey Ed, how far do you think I can kick this bucket? He tripped and fell into a ravine. RIP pops.

My grandpa is a brave man
– My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from Chester zoo.

Why did grandpa’s origami business go out?
– Because it folded.

Why did grandma call grandpa spiderman?
– Because she said, “That boy finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub”.

Why should you shout-out to your grandpa?
– Because that is the only way, he can hear you.

Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa
– Because tomorrow he turns 81!

My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg?
– Check out Shorty he’s growing a beard!

Why did grandpa like to wear glasses while collecting take out for dinner?
– He goes to pick up the dinner with a contact-less drive-through.

What did grandpa say when everyone told him my father looked like him?
– He said, “He’s a poor guy, don’t worry he’ll grow out of it”.

Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter … The Living Room or The Bedroom.

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