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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

Soviet joke my grandpa told me
– Brezhnev is showing his mother how well he has done. He shows her his suite in the Kremlin, his country house with a fully stocked kitchen, his Black Sea villa, his limousine. She says: ‘This is all really nice…but what will you do if the Bolsheviks come back?’

My Grandpa seemed distraught after losing his watch at the Nursing Home.
– I said, Grandpa, what will you do…….He gave me a wink and said…..I will search every Nook and Granny

Why didn’t the grandpa use glasses even when he was an 80-year-old?
– Because he likes drinking from the bottle.

How did grandpa react when his grandson told him he wanted to go abroad to study?
– He said, “You sure got to study lots of boards”.

I made a little sandcastle with my grandpa.
– Now I’m banned from the crematorium.

My great-grandpa died in Auschwitz
– He was really drunk and fell off a watchtower

Why is grandpa always smiling at grandma?
– Because he cannot hear anything she says and doesn’t want to upset her.

What do people call jokes when they get old?
– A grandpa joke.

My grandpa was the wisest and once told me that when you do what you love you never work a day in your life and he is so right!!!
– I love drugs!

My dad only eats Eggs Benedict at Christmas, and only when we visit Grandma and Grandpa.
– He says there’s no place like home for the hollandaise.

Who is the one that chimes every one hour?
– A grandfather, who’s like the clock.

Why did grandpa like spending more time with the grandchildren?
– Because he got to play with toys that he couldn’t have.

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

My grandpa used to sprinkle a tablespoon of gunpowder on his eggs every morning.
– Said it gave him energy through the day. When he died at the ripe old age of 96, he left behind a grieving wife, 6 children, 14 grandchildren, 3 great grandchildren and a 25 foot hole in the side of the crematorium.

On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!”
– Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day.

Why did my grandpa get a man in slim-fit jeans drinking an avocado smoothie to come home?
– Because he was my grandpa’s hip replacement; just like my grandpa, but hip!

Why did grandpa yell ‘gallons, liters, pints’ the day after the Christmas party?
– Because he likes to speak in volumes.

A grandson asks his grandfather: “Grandpa, is it true that in 1986 there was an accident at Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant?”
– “Yes, there was”

answers the Grandpa and patted the grandson’s head.

“Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?”

“Yes, absolutely”

answered the Grandpa, and patted the grandson’s other head.

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