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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

Grandpa walks into his grandson watching a football match
Grandpa: who’s playing?

Grandson: Czech and Slovakia

Grandpa: against who?

Punctuations saves lives
– Lets eat Grandpa!

Lets eat , Grandpa!

Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?
– They both have a common enemy at the homefront who makes a fuss about eating sweets.

Why do grandpas always smile?
– Because they cannot hear anything that you are saying.

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.
– I went to visit him for the first time. As we’re discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.

As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.

As she walked away, I asked:

Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?

A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.

Grandpa: it’s not too bad. I just wish they would let me fart

So my grandpa told me a story…
– He told me that back in his day, he would walk into the store with a nickel, and come out with 4 cans of soda, 2 king sized candy bars, and a pack of gum.

But today there are too many damn cameras!

What did grandpa call the movie ‘avatar’?
– Smurfs for the grown-ups.

From what did grandpa say he suffered a high degree of stress?
– From grandma.

What is your grandpa’s usual bedtime?
– It’s three hours after falling asleep on the couch.

I’m from Alabama and I don’t appreciate all the jokes Reddit makes about my home state. I told my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa about it.
– When he found out he was madder than hell.

My grandpa isn’t very computer savvy
– So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning to repaint the shed and wanted to know if latex paint would stick to stucco, so he did a search for Latex Bondage.

What do people call grandfather clocks?
– The old-timers.

What did the grandpa say when he couldn’t understand his grandson’s jokes?
– He yelled, “Back in my days, at least jokes made sense!”

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.

Today my Grandpa told me he was working on his second million
– He said he was too tired, and there was no way he was going to make the first, so he was starting fresh

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.
– Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer’s disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back “Of course I know it’s a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? “

Why did grandpa refer to grandma as Insta-gram?
– Because she was on his speed dial.

Which one of your relatives chimes every hour?
– A grandfather clock.

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