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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2024

Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter … The Living Room or The Bedroom.

Grandpa fell in to paprika once …
– Now he is a seasoned veteran.

My grandpa told me this one
– Where do pirates get there hooks from…

The second hand store

How can God and grandpa be similar?
– Because they both are old.

Why did grandpa put wheels on his wheelchair?
– He wanted to rock n roll.

What would a lawnmower grandfather’s epitaph be like?
– ‘Now he’s lawn-gone’.

Why couldn’t grandpa find freedom hen he left to travel abroad?
– Because he said that grandma followed him and arrived on the very next boat!

Two grandpas were sitting together. One turns to the other and says, “I am in my eighties now, and everything hurts. You are around the same age as me. Do you feel the same?”
– The second grandpa answers, “I feel the same as a new-born. No teeth, no hair, and I am pretty sure I just peed in my pants.”

Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record
– It was a Type O.

My grandpa told me to not go to the brothel down the road
– He said I’d see things that I shouldn’t see.

And?

Well, I went.

And what did you see?

Grandpa.

What did grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant?
– He just asked what sort of fish that was.

What does grandpa say when a waiter asks about the food at the restaurant?
– He points at our finished plates and confirms, “They almost didn’t like it.”

PSA: Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believing all is well in the kingdom.

My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with my grandpa.
– Then my mom hid the urn from me.

My grandpa always told me that statistics are like skirts
– They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing

Why was grandpa counting pennies?
– Because he was the only one with time and money in his hand.

What do you say when a grandpa, his son, and his grandson all hear a joke, laugh a lot, and wet their pants?
– It runs in their ‘jeans’.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandpa did.
– Not screaming in terror, like the passengers on his bus.

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