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Grandpa jokes 👴 in 2025

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.
– He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

Grandpa asked me how to print on his new computer.
I said: “Just control-p.”

He said: “I haven’t been able to do that for years!”

What do people call grandfather clocks?
– The old-timers.

What did the grandpa say when he couldn’t understand his grandson’s jokes?
– He yelled, “Back in my days, at least jokes made sense!”

I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.

Today my Grandpa told me he was working on his second million
– He said he was too tired, and there was no way he was going to make the first, so he was starting fresh

Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly.
– Grandpa picked up a spoon and looked at it oddly, fearing it was a sign of Alzheimer’s disease I asked him what he was holding in his hand. He snapped back “Of course I know it’s a spoon, but who is that old guy in the reflection? “

Why did grandpa refer to grandma as Insta-gram?
– Because she was on his speed dial.

Which one of your relatives chimes every hour?
– A grandfather clock.

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink…
– No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema.

“Grandpa, tell us that story again about grandma’s pearl necklace.”
– “Really? That old chestnut?

Why did dad put wheels on grandpa’s rocking chair?
– Because grandpa wanted to Rock-n-Roll.

Why did the grandchild call grandpa a hipster?
– Because grandma told him, hipsters buy clothes from thrift shops, wear glasses that are thick, and look different.

At a kid’s party, the hired clown was late to arrive. When he finally did arrive, he walked up to grandpa and asked, “Where are the kids, sir?”
– Grandpa looked him straight in the eye and answered very seriously, “That would be us. We grew up in the time it took for you to arrive.”

I just got a call from my australian grandpa!
– A boomer rang.

My grandpa always used to say “as one door closes, another opens”.
– A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.

How would grandpa react when you tell him about online classes?
– He would say, “Why is your education on the line? How will that work?”

How are stars and fake teeth alike according to my grandfather?
– My grandfather said, “These two come out only during the night.”

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