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Glasses jokes 👓 in 2025

I have to have glasses just to see my family.
– Specifically 2 glasses… of Scotch.

Guess who I ran into when I went to get my glasses.
– Everybody

Why would a phone need glasses?
– When it’s lost its contacts.

This past week I made a couple of bucks selling fake eclipse glasses.
– I’m not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

There is a sign at the bar that says no glasses in the bathroom
– That’s really going to mess up my aim…

Why did the cell phone need glasses?
– Because it ran out of contacts.

Son is asking his dad for money to buy new glasses
Son: Dad my glasses broke i need new one

Dad: Get a job and buy them yourself. What do i look like, a bank?

Son: I don’t know i can’t f*cking see!

To the person who stole my glasses.
– I will find you, I have contacts.

You know, I’ve been wearing glasses for so long…
– It’s hard to see myself without them

Why was the cell phone wearing glasses?
– He had lost his contacts!

A patient walks into a doctor’s office…
…seeking a prescription, and he can’t help but notice that the doctor’s writing on his clipboard with a rectal thermometer.

Not wanting to be rude, the man speaks up politely, “Uh, doc’, not tryna’ be impolite, but you’re writing with a rectal thermometer.”

The doctor pulls up his glasses, looks at the thermometer and replies, “Ah, some asshole’s got my pen.”

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.

EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn’t come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y’all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

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