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Glasses jokes 👓 in 2025

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first says, I’ll have a beer. The second says, I’ll have half a beer. The third says, I’ll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.

A man walks into a bar
He sits down and asks the bartender: “Can I have 8 beer please?”

The man gets his 8 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 8 glasses are empty.

Now he asks: “Can I please have 6 more beers?”

The man gets his 6 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 6 glasses are empty.

He looks at the bartender and asks: “Can I please have 3 more?”

The man gets his 3 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 3 glasses are empty.

The man frowns and says: “I don’t get it… The less I drink, the more drunk I get…”

Why should you always wear glasses when doing math?
– It helps with division.

What do you call a German scientist who runs out of beer glasses?
– Nein Stein

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.
– It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?

You should respect people who wear glasses.
– They paid money to see you.

What do you call a dinosaur that needs glasses?
– A Douthinkhesaurus

I told my wife she was prettier when she didn’t wear glasses
– She said “So are you”

My grandpa is 95 years old, and he doesn’t even use glasses.
– He drinks straight from the bottle.

My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
– He drinks straight from the bottle.

I have found a solution my glasses fogging up from wearing a mask
– I wear a monocle, they only fog up half as much.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
– A spectator.

Never hit a man with glasses
– Fists are just more efficient

I need glasses so I can see my family.
– Specifically, 3 glasses of scotch.

To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.
– In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair.

What did ancient Greeks call a pair of glasses?
– Spectacles.

A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.

Boy: “Daddy, what are they doing?”
Dad: “Oh…uh…they’re just making a puppy.”
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: “Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?”
Dad: “Oh…We’re just making a baby.”
Boy: “Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy.”

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