Most Popular Categories

All Categories

Glasses jokes 👓 in 2025

My great-grandmother lived to be 106 and never needed glasses.
– She always just drank straight from the bottle.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too”.
The bartender then gives them two glasses of water because he doesn’t keep freaking Hydrogen Peroxide on the bar counter.

To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you.
– **I have contacts.**

My grandma just walked into my room with a young barista wearing thick rimmed glasses.
I said, “Who is that?”
Grandma: That’s my hip replacement.

Why do Java programmers need glasses?
– Because they can’t C#.

A man walks in a bar and says: ‘I’d like 7 double wiskeys, please.’
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.

As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.

The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: ‘Why are you drinking so fast?’

The man awnsers: ‘well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,’ while chugging the last glass of wiskey.

‘So, what is it that you have?’ asks the bartender.

The man: ‘not a single penny’

Just so everybody’s clear…
– I’m going to put my glasses on.

I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework.
– It improves division

I went to the Optometrists to buy some glasses the other day, you’ll never guess who I ran into…
– Everyone.

I’m very conflicted by eye tests.
I want to get the answers right.
….but I really want to win the glasses.

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.
“Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.

“Guess how old I’m going to be next month.”

“I don’t know, beauty,” I said as I slipped on my glasses.
“How old?”

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours.
She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

Why do you never see a phone wearing glasses?
– Because they have contacts.

Today I turned 50 years old and I still don’t need glasses…
– I drink straight out of the bottle.

“Doctor I think I need glasses!”
“You certainly do Sir, this is the butchers.”

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.” And so on.
The bartender hands them two glasses of beer and says, “You guys need to know your limits.”

So my husband told me I look better without my glasses
– I said, thanks, you look better without my glasses too

Glasses just for looks
– I wear my glasses just for looks. I can’t look at anything without them

My sister sat on my glasses and broke them…
– I suppose it’s my fault for not taking them off first

Follow us on Facebook