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Glasses jokes 👓 in 2025

My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
– Life before that was a blur.

Why did the the programmer have glasses
So that he could c#
(C sharp)

An old snake
“Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.

Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?”

“The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar
The first says, I’ll have a beer. The second says, I’ll have half a beer. The third says, I’ll have a quarter of a beer. Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. Come on, now, he says to the group, You guys have got to learn your limits.

A man walks into a bar
He sits down and asks the bartender: “Can I have 8 beer please?”

The man gets his 8 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 8 glasses are empty.

Now he asks: “Can I please have 6 more beers?”

The man gets his 6 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 6 glasses are empty.

He looks at the bartender and asks: “Can I please have 3 more?”

The man gets his 3 beers, he starts to drink and doesn’t stop untill all 3 glasses are empty.

The man frowns and says: “I don’t get it… The less I drink, the more drunk I get…”

Why should you always wear glasses when doing math?
– It helps with division.

What do you call a German scientist who runs out of beer glasses?
– Nein Stein

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.
– It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?

You should respect people who wear glasses.
– They paid money to see you.

What do you call a dinosaur that needs glasses?
– A Douthinkhesaurus

I told my wife she was prettier when she didn’t wear glasses
– She said “So are you”

My grandpa is 95 years old, and he doesn’t even use glasses.
– He drinks straight from the bottle.

My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
– He drinks straight from the bottle.

I have found a solution my glasses fogging up from wearing a mask
– I wear a monocle, they only fog up half as much.

What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
– A spectator.

Never hit a man with glasses
– Fists are just more efficient

I need glasses so I can see my family.
– Specifically, 3 glasses of scotch.

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