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Gardening jokes 👨‍🌾🌳✂️🌱 in 2025

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

What do vegetables really wish for more than anything else in the whole world?
– Peas on earth!

What happens to the flower when it gets too embarrassed?
– It turns rosy.

How do you know if a plant gets really scared?
– You can tell when it soils itself.

How many beans does it take to make bean soup?
I don’t know.
– It takes 239 beans.
Why?
– Because, if you added one more bean it would makethe soup “two farty.”

Why did the gardener decline the job offer?
– Because the celery was very low.

How did the new gardeners learn gardening?
– By trowel and error.

Which day is most hated by potatoes?
– Fry-day!

What do you call a garden nursery?
– Plant Parenthood.

What do you call two young married spiders?
– Newly webs.

Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment
– The plot thickens…

What do trees drink?
– Root Beer

Why is it said that flowers could talk?
– Because of their tulips.

How do home plants say goodbye?
– “I will seed you later!”

Why did the gardener change his mind about gardening even though he wasn’t fond of it?
– Because the plants grew on him.

What was the name of the gardener’s favorite show?
– Lawn and order.

I put an electric fence around my garden.
– My neighbour is dead against it

What would be the name of a flower that has a band?
– It would be called Guns n Roses.

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