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Funny Sayings in 2024

My goal this weekend is to move…
-just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

Never make someone a priority,
-when all you are to them is an option.

I had loads to do today.
-Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.
– It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

No, I don’t read.
-The letters get really repetitive after a while.

After millions of years of evolution,
– you’re kind of a disappointment.

Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family.
-They seem like good people.

I weighed myself today.
-It is clear I am too small for my weight.

I am an early bird and a night owl…
-so I am wise and I have worms

Quantity is what you count,
-quality is what you count on.

All my life I thought air was for free.
-That was until I bought a bag of crisps.

Never let your best friends get lonely…
-keep disturbing them.

I’m jealous of my parents,
– I’ll never have a kid as cool as them.

Even a stopped clock is right twice every day.
-After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.

Sometimes I drink water
-just to surprise my liver.

Any of us has the capacity to light up a room.
-Some when they enter, others when they leave it.

I just checked my account balance at the atm.
-It printed me a coupon for ramen noodles.

I’d like to help you out today.
-Which way did you come in?

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