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Friday Jokes in 2024

I was at the gym yesterday, and I asked the Personal Trainer if they could teach me how to do the splits. ‘How flexible are you?’ they asked…
-…I said ‘well, I can do any day apart from Tuesdays and Fridays’.

Where does a nerdy person spend their Black Friday?
-Geology museum because they get great shales there.

What does an employee look forward to on Friday nights?
-The next Friday night.

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?
-Net fish and chill.

Tomorrow is Black Friday just be decent and civilizeds?
-By holding the cell phone horizontal when recording any fights

What is the best thing to avoid on Friday the 13th?
-Superstitions.

What goes by slower than a boring movie?
-Friday afternoon.

Why dont hookers do black friday specials?
-Because they usually have things half off.

You shouldn’t be superstitious about Friday the 13th
-It brings bad luck.

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?
-Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!

Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas…
-They are due back in the library this Friday.

Where can you get 100% off on everything on Black Friday?
-At home by not going out.

What is the only thing better than a Friday night?
-A Monday holiday.

What do Catholic cows do on Fridays?
-Chew their cod.

If you’re going shopping on Black Friday, please be considerate…
-By turning your phone horizontal before recording any fights.

What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
-By their names.

What fun activity did the student do after finishing school on Friday?
-He went home.

I headed out before dawn today and braved some insane crowds, to snag some Black Friday deals.
-The only thing I think I scored was a case of COVID-19

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