Forehead jokes in 2025

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven…
As Forrest approaches the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him.
“Ah, welcome, Mr. Gump. We’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
Forrest looked intently, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.
“Forrest, before I let you into Heaven, I need you to answer three questions. Would that be alright?”
Forrest nodded.

“Ok, Forrest, how many seconds are in a year?” Forrest thought for a moment and confidently answered “twelve”. Saint Peter was befuddled. “12?! You believe there are 12 seconds in a year?? Please explain.” Forrest replied. “Well, there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, Apr-“ Saint Peter interrupted Forrest, “ok, I suppose you’re technically correct. That will do.” Forrest cracked a smile.

“Alright, Forrest, how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?” Forrest thought for a moment, furrowed his brow a bit, and then replied “four”. Saint Peter, again taken off guard, says to Forrest, “4?! How on Earth do you get 4??” Forrest looks Saint Peter in the eye and said, “well, you got Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.” Saint Peter nearly fell over with incredulity. “Ok, I suppose that’s also technically correct.” Forrest’s smile grew.

“Ok, Forrest, lastly, what is God’s real name?” Forrest thought about the question, his brow wrinkled, a little bit of sweat began to form on his forehead. Then, Forrest’s eyes grew and he said, with booming authority, “Andy! God’s real name is Andy!” Saint Peter slammed his hands down onto the podium, “ANDY?! How, please tell me, did you arrive at ANDY!?” Forrest looked Saint Peter dead in the eye and said “Like the song says, ‘Andy walks with, Andy talks with me-“ Saint Peter sheepishly looked at Forrest and said “welcome to Heaven, Mr. Gump.”

You could power the whole neighborhood if you attached a solar panel to your forehead.

Preparation
He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast,
And then, drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide…he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms,
And then he stuffed the turkey.

“Do Lemons Whistle?”
A drunk goes up to his host at a party and says with that terrible seriousness of totally plastered adults and very small children, “Excuse Me.”

The host turns around and there is the drunk, just plastered and glassy eyed, completely out of it. The host thinking there is something wrong says, “Yes? what’s the problem? what is it?”

The drunk says, “Can you answer a question?”

And the host says, “Sure! Fire away”

The drunk speaking very carefully says, “Do lemons whistle?”

The host says, “No lemons do not whistle. Why do you ask?”

The drunk staggers back and smacks his forehead in chagrin and states,

“Oh my God! Well in that case I have squeezed your canary into my Gin & Tonic”

When you’re cute but your forehead is so big it’s disrespectful

I was tailgating this guy down the street when he stopped his car and got out.
I gulped as the muscular specimen strode over to my driver’s window and said, “Problem, sir?”

I said, “Uh… sure.” Scratching my forehead. “What is 120 subtract 42?”

John came to school with a scar on his forehead
– Tom asked him what do you have on your face?
John answered that it was a scar and it was his fathers fault. John explained that he hit a nail with his fist, and his father told him that he really should use his head sometimes.

Two crazy guys meet
-Hey dude, let me hit a nail in your forehead
-You think I’m crazy?! What if you miss the nail and hit my head?

The good news is that you could make a lot of money by selling billboard space on your forehead.

A man goes to work one day with a VERY noticeable scar on his forehead
One of his coworkers was quick to ask what happened.

“Well” The man replied. “It started this morning”.

“It was about 6 or 7 am, I got up fast because I thought I was going to be late, and I banged my head on the side of the bedside table, then I stumbled over to the closet and accidentally slammed into the door”

“And that’s how you were scarred?” His coworker asked.

“No, let me continue”

“So I went downstairs, had breakfast, and went out, then some crazy kid threw a rock at my on accident!”

“And that’s how it happened?” His coworker asked.

“No, let me continue”

“So I was in massive pain from the rock and then I got in my car, but I was careless and hit a fire hydrant”

“Ok, that was definitely it, right?” His coworker asked.

“Hold on, I forgot what we were talking about” He replied

“How you got that scar on your forehead”

“Oh, that? I got it when I hit my head on the bedside table”

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet…
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.>
When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).

That night they had friends over.

They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.

The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well.

This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn’t thought about “normal” tricks.

Well, they said, “let’s try this out.”

Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce the command, “Heel!”

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man’s forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

When I was younger, I jammed a scrabble tile into my nerf gun and shot my brother at close range in the forehead, killing him instantly.
– I didn’t mean to kill him though, I thought it was a blank.

A man walks into a pub, sits down, asks for a beer, wipes his sweaty forehead, and says, “T.G.I.F.!”
The woman at the other end of the bar smiles at him, shakes her head, and replies, “S.P.I.T.”

The man’s puzzled, so he makes eye contact with her, and very clearly enunciates “T.G.I.F.” The woman equally clearly enunciates “S.P.I.T.”

“Lady, what the hell’s that supposed to mean? I don’t think you get it. T.G.I.F. means Thank God It’s Friday!”

“*YOU* don’t get it! Sorry, Pal, It’s Thursday!”

I bumped into Thanos and laughed really hard at the size of his chin and forehead…
– He snapped

A man with no arms walks into a church
– “I’d like to apply to toll the bell, every hour on the hour” he tells the priest. The priest wonders how this would be possible with no arms so he decides to humor the man. Since it’s close to 3pm, they make their way up to the bell tower. At 2:54 the man sits cross legged and begins meditating. At exactly 2:59 he stands up, steps back twelve feet from the bell, and sprints at it. He dives through the air and BONG!!!!!! Smashes into it with his forehead letting out the loudest, crispest, clearest tone that the bell has ever made. He steps back and does it again. BONG!!!!!! Just as perfect as the first one. He steps back a third time and just before his dive he trips, misses the bell completely, and flies out of the bell tower into the pavement below. When the police arrive they question the priest. “Did you know this man?” says the officer. The priest replies “I didn’t catch his name but his face rings a bell.”

They made a documentary specifically about you.
– They called it Coneheads.

Sources report that after holding office for just two years, President Trump has already developed significant forehead wrinkles.
– Talk about making national headlines!

Hey, Terry
A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids…

“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?

“Yeah they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that

question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll

need all your children’s names.”

“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the

oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

“All right,” says the caseworker. “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL

named Terri?”

Their Mother replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get

them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Terry!’ An’ when it’s time

for dinner, I just yell ‘Terry!’ an’ they all come runnin.’

An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell

“Terry” and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’

them all Terry.”

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead

and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not

the whole bunch?”

“I call them by their last names!”