Forehead jokes in 2025

What do you call a really big forehead?
– A fivehead.

One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead
You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.

Quite frankly its the stores fault for all this looting..
..they essentially painted a large Target on their forehead

Successfully climbing your forehead is the biggest achievement anyone can achieve as a mountain climber.

I met a man with a nose on his forehead the other day…
– He said it gave him a heightened sense of smell.

Three men are challenging each other’s aim by shooting an apple on someone’s head.
The first man fired his pistol 20 meters away, hits the apple.

“I’m James Bond.” He said.

The second man shot an arrow 30 meters away, hits the apple.

“I’m Robin Hood.” He said.

The third threw a boomerang 40 meters away, hits the forehead of that person.

“I’m sorry.” He said.

WHO investigators wanted to talk to the Wuhan scientists.
When they arrived to Wuhan Institute of Virology CCP officials informed them that unfortunately all the scientists have died after eating poison mushrooms.

WHO investigators were suspicious so they demanded that they exhume the bodies of dead scientists and check if they really died from eating poison mushrooms.

CCP officials grudgingly agree.

After they exhumed the first scientist the results of tests came back and indeed scientist did die from mushrooms.

CCP officials were happy, but WHO investigators decided to exhume another scientist.

Results were again the same. CCP officials were even happier.

Same thing happened for the third and forth exhuming.

When they exhumed the firth scientists WHO investigators noticed dead scientist had a bullet hole in his forehead.

“How do you explain that?” they asked.

CCP official responded: “Ah, that guy did not want to eat mushrooms”.

I wasn’t staring at you…
– I was trying to figure out if that’s your forehead or the moon.

I saw a man sitting in a parking lot, beating his forehead with a hammer. I asked him, “why are you doing that to yourself!?”
– He replied, “because it feels so good when I stop doing it!”

Warning.
Don’t let them take your forehead temperature at the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went for macaroni and cheese.

And came home with two cases of beer.

My forehead is big because of all the disrespectful thoughts I keep to myself.

A guy walks into a bar…
A guy walks into a bar and notices that the place is mostly empty. Except for one end of the bar, that is. And there he sees a group of women standing around. All kinds of women – beautiful women, plain-looking women, shapely, skinny, fat, short, tall, blondes, brunettes – just about everything. In fact, he realizes that every woman in the bar is there.

He looks intently to see what the commotion is about and a break in the crowd reveals the ugliest shrimp of a man he’s ever seen sitting on a barstool in the midst of them as they vie for his attention. He’s taken aback. The man is perhaps 5 feet tall, rather fat but with skinny arms, balding on top but still enough hair for a bad combover. His thick dark unibrow contrasts with his pale skin and overshadows his beady eyes. His shabby, ill-fitting suit looks like it’s been resold at multiple thrift stores through its life and was never cleaned.

And, yet, there he was surrounded by gorgeous women.

Our protagonist is let down by the scene because he’d hoped to at least have a friendly chat with a woman this evening, but that clearly wasn’t happening, at least not at this bar.

So he approaches the bartender, has a seat, and says “Bartender, I don’t get it. Why are all those women making such a fuss over that disgusting little toad of a man?”

The bartender replies “I don’t get it, either. He’s not only disgusting, he’s creepy as all hell.”

“How so?”

“Well, for the last two hours he’s been sitting on that barstool and looking around with his beady little eyes while licking his forehead.”

I learned something really cool today.
When Patrick Stewart was a small boy, he had a third ear growing on his forehead. Apparently it’s a very very rare condition. So to make things worse, no matter how many surgeries he had, it always grew back.

So finally his parents go a hold of a surgeon in Manchester, who said that not only could he remove the ear permanently, but through a proprietary skin grafting technique, leave very little scarring behind.

So they went to Manchester to get him prepped for the surgery, but just before the surgery, he took one last look into a mirror and bid a fond farewell to his final front ear.

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven…
As Forrest approaches the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him.
“Ah, welcome, Mr. Gump. We’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
Forrest looked intently, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.
“Forrest, before I let you into Heaven, I need you to answer three questions. Would that be alright?”
Forrest nodded.

“Ok, Forrest, how many seconds are in a year?” Forrest thought for a moment and confidently answered “twelve”. Saint Peter was befuddled. “12?! You believe there are 12 seconds in a year?? Please explain.” Forrest replied. “Well, there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, Apr-“ Saint Peter interrupted Forrest, “ok, I suppose you’re technically correct. That will do.” Forrest cracked a smile.

“Alright, Forrest, how many days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?” Forrest thought for a moment, furrowed his brow a bit, and then replied “four”. Saint Peter, again taken off guard, says to Forrest, “4?! How on Earth do you get 4??” Forrest looks Saint Peter in the eye and said, “well, you got Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.” Saint Peter nearly fell over with incredulity. “Ok, I suppose that’s also technically correct.” Forrest’s smile grew.

“Ok, Forrest, lastly, what is God’s real name?” Forrest thought about the question, his brow wrinkled, a little bit of sweat began to form on his forehead. Then, Forrest’s eyes grew and he said, with booming authority, “Andy! God’s real name is Andy!” Saint Peter slammed his hands down onto the podium, “ANDY?! How, please tell me, did you arrive at ANDY!?” Forrest looked Saint Peter dead in the eye and said “Like the song says, ‘Andy walks with, Andy talks with me-“ Saint Peter sheepishly looked at Forrest and said “welcome to Heaven, Mr. Gump.”

You could power the whole neighborhood if you attached a solar panel to your forehead.

Preparation
He laid her on the table,
So white, clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast,
And then, drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide…he looked inside,
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched out his arms,
And then he stuffed the turkey.

“Do Lemons Whistle?”
A drunk goes up to his host at a party and says with that terrible seriousness of totally plastered adults and very small children, “Excuse Me.”

The host turns around and there is the drunk, just plastered and glassy eyed, completely out of it. The host thinking there is something wrong says, “Yes? what’s the problem? what is it?”

The drunk says, “Can you answer a question?”

And the host says, “Sure! Fire away”

The drunk speaking very carefully says, “Do lemons whistle?”

The host says, “No lemons do not whistle. Why do you ask?”

The drunk staggers back and smacks his forehead in chagrin and states,

“Oh my God! Well in that case I have squeezed your canary into my Gin & Tonic”

When you’re cute but your forehead is so big it’s disrespectful