Forehead jokes in 2025

The good news is that you could make a lot of money by selling billboard space on your forehead.

A man goes to work one day with a VERY noticeable scar on his forehead
One of his coworkers was quick to ask what happened.

“Well” The man replied. “It started this morning”.

“It was about 6 or 7 am, I got up fast because I thought I was going to be late, and I banged my head on the side of the bedside table, then I stumbled over to the closet and accidentally slammed into the door”

“And that’s how you were scarred?” His coworker asked.

“No, let me continue”

“So I went downstairs, had breakfast, and went out, then some crazy kid threw a rock at my on accident!”

“And that’s how it happened?” His coworker asked.

“No, let me continue”

“So I was in massive pain from the rock and then I got in my car, but I was careless and hit a fire hydrant”

“Ok, that was definitely it, right?” His coworker asked.

“Hold on, I forgot what we were talking about” He replied

“How you got that scar on your forehead”

“Oh, that? I got it when I hit my head on the bedside table”

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet…
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash.>
When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.

They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).

That night they had friends over.

They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.

The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well.

This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn’t thought about “normal” tricks.

Well, they said, “let’s try this out.”

Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce the command, “Heel!”

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man’s forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

When I was younger, I jammed a scrabble tile into my nerf gun and shot my brother at close range in the forehead, killing him instantly.
– I didn’t mean to kill him though, I thought it was a blank.

A man walks into a pub, sits down, asks for a beer, wipes his sweaty forehead, and says, “T.G.I.F.!”
The woman at the other end of the bar smiles at him, shakes her head, and replies, “S.P.I.T.”

The man’s puzzled, so he makes eye contact with her, and very clearly enunciates “T.G.I.F.” The woman equally clearly enunciates “S.P.I.T.”

“Lady, what the hell’s that supposed to mean? I don’t think you get it. T.G.I.F. means Thank God It’s Friday!”

“*YOU* don’t get it! Sorry, Pal, It’s Thursday!”

I bumped into Thanos and laughed really hard at the size of his chin and forehead…
– He snapped

A man with no arms walks into a church
– “I’d like to apply to toll the bell, every hour on the hour” he tells the priest. The priest wonders how this would be possible with no arms so he decides to humor the man. Since it’s close to 3pm, they make their way up to the bell tower. At 2:54 the man sits cross legged and begins meditating. At exactly 2:59 he stands up, steps back twelve feet from the bell, and sprints at it. He dives through the air and BONG!!!!!! Smashes into it with his forehead letting out the loudest, crispest, clearest tone that the bell has ever made. He steps back and does it again. BONG!!!!!! Just as perfect as the first one. He steps back a third time and just before his dive he trips, misses the bell completely, and flies out of the bell tower into the pavement below. When the police arrive they question the priest. “Did you know this man?” says the officer. The priest replies “I didn’t catch his name but his face rings a bell.”

They made a documentary specifically about you.
– They called it Coneheads.

Sources report that after holding office for just two years, President Trump has already developed significant forehead wrinkles.
– Talk about making national headlines!

Hey, Terry
A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids…

“WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?

“Yeah they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that

question a thousand times before.

She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.

“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll

need all your children’s names.”

“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”

“OK, and who’s next?”

“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the

oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.

Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.

“All right,” says the caseworker. “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL

named Terri?”

Their Mother replied, “Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get

them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, ‘Terry!’ An’ when it’s time

for dinner, I just yell ‘Terry!’ an’ they all come runnin.’

An’ if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell

“Terry” and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, namin’

them all Terry.”

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead

and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not

the whole bunch?”

“I call them by their last names!”

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel stuck to his forehead and orders a drink…
The bartender passes the drink and says “So what’s up with the paper towel?”

The pirate replies “Yaaaar! There be a Bounty on me head!”

Police Checkpoint
Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a few bottles of Budweiser

Bubba, said “Slow down, Earl, a Police checkpoint is ahead!!

There was quite a few vehicles in front of them so Earl said, “Don’t worry, Bubba, “We’ll just pull over and finish drinking these beers, peel off the label, and stick it on our foreheads.

“Why?”, asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, OK?”, said Earl.

They finished their beers, tossed out the empty bottles and each put a Budweiser label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “You boys been drinkin’?”

“No, sir”, said Earl. “We’re on the patch”!

John rolls out of his room into the apartment,
John rolls out of his room into the apartment, looking like some misshapen ball. His roommate Ron, horrified, asks what happened.

“Oh nothing major, I just found a genie and told him I could use a joint, looks like he misinterpreted and turned me into a human knee,” said John.

“A knee you say? Well that’s no good at all. My friend is a doctor who deals with these sort of things, I’ll throw you in my bag and see what he can do,” Ron replied.

And off they went to fix John’s very unique predicament.

“We’re finally here,” said Ron. “This is Doctor Bartholomew Mick, and he’s the best there is. If he can’t fix you, nobody can.”

Ron pulled the blob that John now was out of his hand bag, and laid it at the Doctor’s table. “What do we need to fix him Doc?”

“Well,” the Doctor said while scratching his chin, “from what you said over the call, all I can really prescribe is this.” He drops a handful of pills on the table.

“Wait,” John said, “these are just iron pills?”

Ron slaps his forehead in frustration. “I told you he was a knee, Mick!”

Written on My Forehead
– John is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now”.
He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don’t think so”.
Fine, then the wife asks, “Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won’t close right.”
To which he replied, “Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Kenmore written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Fine”, she says “then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break!”
“I’m not a carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps, ” he says, “does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so! I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar!”
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.
As he walks into the house, he notices that the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
“Honey,” he asks, “how did all this get fixed?”
She said, “Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”
He said, “so what kind of cake did you bake?”
She replied, “Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don’t think so!”

**I’m so sorry, this is one of the worst jokes I have ever attached my name to, but I just saw the cake on my name and panicked.**

So my buddy thought it’d be a good idea to get an inspirational tattoo on his forehead…
– Boy, was his face read.

Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: “What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?”
– “Someone shouting ‘Duck, duck go!'”

Last night I went to bed wishing I looked younger, well this morning I woke up with my wish granted.
– I had a couple of zits on my forehead!

That’s not a forehead…
– That’s a forecourt.