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Florida jokes in 2025

Florida man fires gun at a retail store.
– It was target.

What do fans do at hot, summer soccer games?
– Heat waves.

Where do the pianists go for vacation?
– Florida Keys.

Every balloon in Florida is going to be a hot air balloon. Why are you wasting your time with those extra words? One time I saw a kid blow up a balloon at his eighth birthday party – he was launched into space and none of us ever saw him again. It was terrible. I send his parents a fruit basket every year.

It’s freezing in Florida, which means iguanas might start falling from trees. All the old people aren’t too worried about this though.
– They’re used to a reptile dysfunction.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Yoo.
Yoo who?
Yoo hoo! Big summer blow out!

How do you make University of Florida cookies?
– Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Two women in Florida were arrested this week after posing as old ladies in order to get a Covid vaccine.
– Two kids in a trench coat got away with with the same idea, but only one got vaccinated.

Apparently Florida has the highest rate of infidelity in the country…
– It’s an unfortunate state of affairs.

What is the difference between Coach Urban Meyers and a litter of puppies?
– Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining.

Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Florida?
– Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Florida is so hot that when you die and go to Hell, you wake up in Boca Raton.

Fall is the most beautiful time in Florida, really…
– All the license plates start changing colors.

What did the bee do when it was hot?
– Took off his yellow jacket.

What’s the difference between a University of Central Florida sorority sister and a scarecrow?
– One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Floridians like to say there aren’t roaches in Florida – there’s just “palmetto bugs.” If you don’t know what the difference between a roach and a palmetto bug is – a palmetto bug is a roach with wings that’s large enough to carry away screaming children from their mothers’ arms.

I went to Florida yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record.
– I said “No, is that still required?”

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Florida.
Florida who?
Florida bathroom is wet!

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