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Florida jokes in 2024

What do you give a puppy on a really hot day?
– A pupsicle.

Why do Florida State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
– So they can park in handicap spaces.

One time I thought I saw bear in Miami but it was just a palmetto bug fist fighting a grown man on two legs.

What color is the sky in Florida right now?
– Dorian gray.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don’t let me in!

What is the definition of safe sex down in Florida?
– Placing signs on the animals that kick.

What’s the opposite of Florida?
– The ceiling, duh.

How can you become a small-business owner in Florida?
– Get a large business and let a Florida grad run it for you.

The only difference between Florida and an oven is that an oven doesn’t produce serial killers.

How many Florida men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?
– You can’t. Nobody in Florida has any cents.

How do you help someone during a heat wave?
– Give them lemon-ade.

What’s the best thing to come out of Gainesville?
– I-75

If it weren’t for Florida, what would I do with all my Ed Hardy clothes? Where else but Miami can I wear a bedazzled, tiger head muscle-shirt and have people just assume I enjoy bottom-shelf liquor and house music?

What do you call a Mormon from Florida?
– A Fort Lauderdale saint.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Water!
Water who?
Water you going to wear to the beach?

How do you casterate an Florida State Seminoles fan?
– Kick his sister in the mouth

What do Tom Brady and Robert Kraft still have in common?
– They go to Florida for happy endings.

My wife just told me that a pizza restaurant in Florida exploded…
– I said, “The owner probably had insurance and kneaded the dough.”

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