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Florida jokes in 2025

Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Florida.

The pink, plastic birds that are popular lawn ornaments in Florida…
– Are they called, “Placebo Flamingos”?

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?
– None attended the University of Miami.

What does the average Florida State University student get on his SAT?
– Drool.

It’s a good thing Gatorade was created by the University of Florida.
– If it had been Florida State, they’d call it Seminole Fluid.

I am finally living my dream.

I bought land in Kissimmee Florida and opened my own donkey farm!

If you are in the area, stop by and see me at the Kissimmee Ass Ranch!

A Mexican was kidnapped and taken to one of the Florida keys as prisoner, one day he found a phone and was able to contact the authorities, when asked where he was, he said: Akey

What is the definition of safe sex down in Gainesville?
– Placing signs on the animals that kick.

What do you get when you drive quickly through the Florida State University campus?
– An undergraduate degree.

I want to go to Florida, but I’m worried about that tzatziki virus.
– I heard it makes you falafel.

What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
– Somebody’s fixin’ to lose them a trailer.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the horror movie “War of the Worlds,” but it’s actually just a documentary about a normal week in the state of Florida.

2 Florida men get into a fight.
– I have no idea what happened, but I’m sure it’ll end up on the news.

What is red and smells like blue Froot Loops?
– The murder-suicide scene at Toucan Sam’s Miami penthouse.

Did you hear about the Florida Gator fan who tried to blow up the Tennessee team bus?
– He burned his lip on the tailpipe.

What do you call a polar bear living in Florida?
– A solar bear.

If you have a car containing a Gator wide receiver, a Gator linebacker, and a Gator defensive back, who is driving the car?
– The cop.

Why are rectal thermometers banned at Florida State University?
– They cause too much brain damage!

A man in Florida has been caught on CCTV stealing police car tires.
– Police are reported to be working tirelessly to catch the thief.

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