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Finance jokes 💰💸 in 2025

What do you call a liability without any friends?
– A loan

If you wake up at midday, you save the money you would have spent on breakfast.
– Just contact me if you need any more finance tips.

My company keeps overspending trying to move this giant rock…
– In other words, they can’t budget!

Why are rabbits so focused on working capital?
– It’s necessary for maintaining day to day “hop-erations”

I tried to start a hot air ballooning business but it never took off.

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

What does an accountant use to hang decorations?
– Tax

An engineer major asks, “How can we build this?”
A business major asks, “How can we finance this?”
– A liberal arts major asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

This is an awfully hard time for me financially.
– Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence, I have been repossessed.

I repaired the building we pay rent for…
– It’s safe to say it’s a “fixed” cost

Someone should challenge Donald trump to finance the wall himself.
– After all, a wall is really just a giant skyscraper on its side.

How did the accountant unlock their door?
– They used their ten key

How do you tell how profitable a butter company is?
– Look at the “net margarine”

I travel around the country giving seminars on the beneficial features of dried grapes.
– I’m in the business of raisin awareness.

I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

How do you tell an accountant to be quiet?
– You tell them to use their invoice

Which department do you call when ants go missing?
– Dept. of Finance.

My financial adviser asked me what I bring home at the end of every month.
– “Crippling depression,” I told him.

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