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Eye jokes 👁️👁️ in 2024

Patient: “I keep getting a stabbing pain in my eye every time I drink coffee.”
Doctor: “Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?”

Did you hear about the bone doctor and optometrist who shared jokes?
– The bone doctor’s jokes were pretty humerus, but the jokes of the optometrist were too cornea.

Do you ever surf the Internet?
– Not much, but when I do, eye brows.

What did the left eye tell the right eye?
– It said, “Well, you’re looking alright.”

What do the zombies eat for dessert at school lunches?
– Eyes cream.

What did the optometrist-turned-lawyer say at the end of their first trial?
– “Iris my case.”

What did the mom contact lens say to her mischievous baby contact lens?
– She said, “I’ve had enough of your shenanigans. Now, go, sit in the cornea.”

What do you spy with your little eyes?
– Not a thing. Because I have two eyes of normal size.

What is the favorite song of the blue eyeball?
– “You Are Eye Sunshine”.

What do you say to a pirate with two eyes?
– “Aye aye, captain!”

I told my daughter, “Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?” She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. “It’s true!”
– “When was the last time you ate a monkey?!”

What did the ice wife ask her husband?
– She said, “Tell me something about my eyes.”

What would you call a pig if it had three eyes?
– It’d be called Piiig.

How can you make someone’s eyes twinkle?
– Well, you just shine some light in their eye.

Why are potatoes better for your vision than carrots?
– Because they start their life in an eye!

Why didn’t the optometrist want to learn any jokes?
– Because he heard it helps break the eyes.

What happened when the man had a stick stuck in his eye?
– He had a-stick-matism from then on.

What did the husband mention to his wife at their wedding?
– He said, “Your eyes are so blue, I lose myself at see.”

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