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Eye jokes 👁️👁️ in 2025

Why did the therapist suggest anger management to the eye?
– Because he told her, “Eyelash out whenever Eye’m mad.”

What is it called when you poke your eye while putting on safety goggles?
– Eye-rony!

Today I told an eye joke,
– Apparently nobody had ever heard a cornea joke before

What kind of vision do all the sanitation workers have?
– Bin-ocular vision.

What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes?
– He regretted it in Heinzsight.

Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader?
– Well, the look on the customer’s face was priceless.

What did the optician decide to name her new eyewear shop?
– She called it, ‘For Eyes’.

Why do beekeepers have such beautiful eyes?
– Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
– Still no eye deer.

What did the teacher say to the aspiring eye doctor students?
– He said, “Eye say, you pupils are imposseyeball.”

What did the husband do when he said to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes?
– He decided to light up some fireworks.

What do the spooks that have low eyesight wear?
– The spook-tacles.

What did one eye say to the other before vision surgery?
– “Eye wish you the best.”

Why did the pupil decide to end his friendship with the eyelash?
– Because she had a habit of lashing out.

What are eye drops in technical terms?
– Blinker fluid.

What did the eyeball sing when it was gazing at Pike’s Peak?
– It sang, “Ain’t No Mountain Eye Enough.”

Patient: “Doctor, I’ve got mustard in my eyes, and I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Any other symptoms?”
Patient: “No, but I have the strangest feeling this has happened before.”
Doctor: “French mustard?”
Patient: “Yes, why?”
Doctor: “It’s dijon view.”
I make a lot of jokes about eyes…
You could say I have vitreous humor.

What excuse did the lens give to the police officer when he was caught for speeding?
– He said, “I’ve been framed, sir.”

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