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Eye jokes 👁️👁️ in 2025

What do you say to a pirate with two eyes?
– “Aye aye, captain!”

I told my daughter, “Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?” She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. “It’s true!”
– “When was the last time you ate a monkey?!”

What did the ice wife ask her husband?
– She said, “Tell me something about my eyes.”

What would you call a pig if it had three eyes?
– It’d be called Piiig.

How can you make someone’s eyes twinkle?
– Well, you just shine some light in their eye.

Why are potatoes better for your vision than carrots?
– Because they start their life in an eye!

Why didn’t the optometrist want to learn any jokes?
– Because he heard it helps break the eyes.

What happened when the man had a stick stuck in his eye?
– He had a-stick-matism from then on.

What did the husband mention to his wife at their wedding?
– He said, “Your eyes are so blue, I lose myself at see.”

Why couldn’t the cyclops stop crying?
– Because they had good moistur-eyes-er.

Where do rabbits get their eyes checked?
– The hop-tometrist.

What did the cornea tell the Latino eyelashes when they met?
– It said, “Eye carumba.”

What would you need to do to become a famous eyewear designer?
– Focus on the latest fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l.

What did the right eye mention to the left one when they were having an argument?
– It says, “I see that you’re still wrong”.

What do you say if they only have one eye?
– “Aye, captain!”

I have 4 noses, 10 eyes, 20 legs, and 6 fingers, What am I?
– Ugly

Why did the girl always seem to lose her contact lenses?
– Because she couldn’t ever keep her eyes on them.

Have you seen that movie about a pig that didn’t have any eyes?
– It was PG.

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