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Doctor jokes 👨‍⚕️ in 2025

Patient: “I’m starting to forget things, Doctor.”
-Doctor: “Since when have you had this condition?”
Patient: “What condition?”

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
-Colin who?
Colin the doctor… I’m sick!

The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip
– but it went in one ear and out the other.

What’s the best place to hide from a doctor?
-The apple orchard.

Doctor: “I’ve got very bad news. You’ve got the flu and Alzheimer’s.
-Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have the flu.”

What don’t you want to hear in the middle of surgery?
– “Where’s my watch?”

Why did the witch go to the doctor?
– She had a dizzy spell

How did you find that doctor was fake?
– She had good handwriting.

Doctor’s son: “Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.”
-Doctor’s father: “Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.”

Patient: “Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?”
-Doctor: “Use a pencil until I come see him.”

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
-For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment.

Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?
-He kept seeing spots.

Why is a doctor always calm?
-They have a lot of patients.

Patient: “Doctor, I am feeling much better now. Please give me your bill.”
– Doctor: “Be calm. You are not strong enough for this yet.”

Doctor: “You’re as healthy as a horse!”
Jimmy: “That’s great.”
-Doctor: “A horse with kidney stones.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side?
– He’s all right now!

Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!”
-Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.”

Doctors ask you where it hurts,
-but then put pressure on it..

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