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Doctor jokes 👨‍⚕️ in 2024

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory
-he made me pay in advance.

I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute.
-I had no words.

Patient: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.
-Doctor: “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking

Why did the doctor tell the nurses to be quiet when walking past the medicine cabinet?
-So they wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills!

Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?
-In case, she wanted to draw blood!

Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?
-The hip consultant.

Doctor, I’m hearing a ringing sound?
-Then answer the phone.

Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’m addicted to brake fluid.”
-Doctor: “Nonsense, man — you can stop anytime.”

Why did the library book go to the doctor?.
-It needed to be checked out.

Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course.”
– Great! I never could before!

Where do sick boats go to get healthy?
-To the dock!

Patient: “Will this ointment clear up my spots?”
– Doctor: “I never make rash promises.”

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I think I’m going deaf!”
And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms?”
-The man responds, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”

Why did the mattress go to the doctor?
– It had spring fever.

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
-He had low elf esteem.

A man goes into the doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a watch. What should I do?”
-Take these pills,” says the doctor. “They should help you pass the time.

What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldn’t stop breaking wind?
– A kite.

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks,
-Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies, “No, I’m afraid to.”

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