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Divorce jokes in 2025

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband visitation rights? She said she couldn’t trust him with their children.

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband the house in the divorce settlement? She said it was her only sense of stability in a chaotic world.

What’s the difference between a good divorce and a bad one? A good divorce ends in a settlement, a bad one ends in a custody battle.

What do you call a couple who get divorced but keep dating? A contradiction.

Why did the wife refuse to leave the house in the divorce settlement? She said it was the only thing that made her feel safe.

Why did the husband refuse to pay for his ex-wife’s lawyer fees? He said he wasn’t going to finance his own defeat.

Why did the husband refuse to go to counseling? He said he had already talked to himself enough.

What’s the difference between a marriage and a game of Jenga? In a game of Jenga, you can always start over.

Why did the couple get divorced after 30 years of marriage? They said they were just too tired to fight anymore.

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the wedding album in the divorce settlement? He said it was too painful to look at.

What’s the difference between a good divorce lawyer and a bad one? A good one gets you what you want, a bad one gets you what you deserve.

What’s the difference between a divorce and a funeral? In a funeral, everyone comes to pay their respects… in a divorce, everyone comes to take their stuff.

What’s the most expensive part of a divorce? The house… or the alimony.

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the TV in the divorce settlement? He said he didn’t want her to keep watching her favorite show without him.

What’s the best way to avoid a divorce? Don’t get married in the first place.

What’s the difference between a divorce and a death in the family? In a death, you mourn the loss… in a divorce, you celebrate the freedom.

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