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Divorce jokes in 2025

What’s the difference between marriage and a tornado? In a tornado, you can hear the winds howling.

Why did the husband refuse to pay child support? He said he didn’t want to pay for someone else’s mistake.

Why did the husband refuse to pay for his ex-wife’s therapy sessions? He said he wasn’t responsible for her emotional baggage.

What do you call a divorced couple who are still friends? A divorce success story.

What’s the difference between a good divorce and a bad one? A good one ends in a toast, a bad one ends in tears.

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the house? He said he couldn’t stand the thought of her redecorating it.

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the family dog in the divorce settlement? He said he couldn’t live without his best friend.

Why did the divorcee cross the road? To get away from his ex.

What’s the difference between a bad marriage and a good divorce? A good divorce is better for the kids.

What’s the difference between a good marriage and a bad one? In a good marriage, the couple is a team… in a bad one, it’s every man for himself.

Why did the husband refuse to pay alimony? He said he didn’t want to be an ATM for his ex.

Why did the wife refuse to give up her wedding ring after the divorce? She said it was the only thing that reminded her of the good times.

What’s the best way to handle a cheating spouse? Get a good lawyer… or a good therapist.

What do you call a divorce that ends amicably? A conscious uncoupling.

What do you call a marriage that ends in less than a year? A starter marriage.

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband visitation rights? She said she couldn’t trust him with their children.

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband the house in the divorce settlement? She said it was her only sense of stability in a chaotic world.

What’s the difference between a good divorce and a bad one? A good divorce ends in a settlement, a bad one ends in a custody battle.

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