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Divorce jokes in 2025

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the family dog in the divorce settlement? He said he couldn’t live without his best friend.

Why did the husband refuse to give his ex-wife the house? He said he couldn’t stand the thought of her redecorating it.

What’s the difference between a bad marriage and a good divorce? A good divorce is better for the kids.

What’s the difference between a good marriage and a bad one? In a good marriage, the couple is a team… in a bad one, it’s every man for himself.

Why did the divorcee cross the road? To get away from his ex.

Why did the wife refuse to give up her wedding ring after the divorce? She said it was the only thing that reminded her of the good times.

Why did the husband refuse to pay alimony? He said he didn’t want to be an ATM for his ex.

What do you call a divorce that ends amicably? A conscious uncoupling.

What’s the best way to handle a cheating spouse? Get a good lawyer… or a good therapist.

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband visitation rights? She said she couldn’t trust him with their children.

Why did the wife refuse to give her ex-husband the house in the divorce settlement? She said it was her only sense of stability in a chaotic world.

What do you call a marriage that ends in less than a year? A starter marriage.

What do you call a couple who get divorced but keep dating? A contradiction.

What’s the difference between a good divorce and a bad one? A good divorce ends in a settlement, a bad one ends in a custody battle.

Why did the husband refuse to pay for his ex-wife’s lawyer fees? He said he wasn’t going to finance his own defeat.

Why did the wife refuse to leave the house in the divorce settlement? She said it was the only thing that made her feel safe.

What’s the difference between a marriage and a game of Jenga? In a game of Jenga, you can always start over.

Why did the husband refuse to go to counseling? He said he had already talked to himself enough.

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