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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2025

Why can’t a lesbian diet and wear make up at the same time?
– Because……….It is hard to eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.

What does a gay horse eat?
– A nutritious and balanced diet provided by their owner, you bigots.

Weight loss pills stolen this morning –
– police say suspects are still at large.

Did you hear about the hungry clock?
– He went back four seconds

I started a diet two weeks ago
– So far I’ve lost 14 days

My friend said, I really need to go home and feed my baby hamsters.
– Me: That’s a terrible diet for a baby.

New name for weight loss pills
– Pills of mass destruction!

Why do people on a diet eat TV dinners?
– So they could watch what they eat!

I don’t want to brag about my 14-day diet
– but I’ve completed it in 4 hours.

My dietitian once told me “You are what you eat.”
– That was his last words though, I am a dietitian now

I’m on a whiskey diet…
– I’ve lost three days already.

Don’t trust any diet advice that tells you to eat light…
– For that’s most certainly the way to become a black hole.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss
– It makes sense if you think about it. It’s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there’s a dragon guarding it…

What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
– A beer in each hand.

Why did the blond snort NutraSweet?
– She thought it was diet coke.

I’ve been on a tequila diet…
– And I’ve lost 4 days already

My sister finished her rigorous weight loss plan and lost an incredible 10lbs in one day!
– She had a baby

When should you go on a cheese diet?
– If you need to cheddar a few pounds.

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