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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2025

I wanted to go on a diet…
– But I just have way too much on my plate right now…

Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
– Fat people are harder to kidnap.

I started a new diet..
– Where I only eat things I can pronounce. I thought it would help me lose weight, but I just became a better reader.

I was considering going on an all almond diet.
– But that’s just nuts.

Joaquin Phoenix won an award for weight loss transformation into Arthur Fleck in “Joker”.
– Atrophy.

Why do people on a diet eat TV dinners?
– So they could watch what they eat!

I’m on the Gin & Tonic diet and its going great….
– so far I’ve lost 2 days.

I needed to lose some weight so I went on a 3 month diet plan. I don’t want to brag, but…
…I just finished it in 72 hours.

A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain
– He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn’t work

What do you call a fascist vegan?
– Lactose intolerant.

I’ve been on this new Vodka diet.
– It’s great, I’ve lost 3 days already!

My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin’s wedding this summer.
– “I hope you win” was not the correct response

Did you hear about the seafood diet?
– You see food and you eat it.

My former roommate was overweight so he asked me for a diet idea. I told him to stop eating after 8 PM.
– He had dinner at 7 PM that day, and died of starvation a few days later.

I’m trying to cut butter out of my diet…
…by a large margarine.

Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded…
– at how gullible people on the internet are.

What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale?
– A balanced meal.

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise
– The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

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