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Dieting jokes 🥗 in 2025

I’ve been on a tequila diet…
– And I’ve lost 4 days already

My sister finished her rigorous weight loss plan and lost an incredible 10lbs in one day!
– She had a baby

When should you go on a cheese diet?
– If you need to cheddar a few pounds.

What does a vampire drink while on a diet?
– Blood Light®.

What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?
– “The American Weight Loss Plan.”

The wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.
– You should have seen her face when I came back and gave her some diet pills.

My wife told me to go to the doctor to get some of those pills that help get an erection
– Mfw I brought her a box of diet pills.

When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . .
– You over wait.

What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
– A desserter.

Not to brag, but I finished this 14 day diet…
– in 3 hours and 38 minutes.

Don’t worry about straying from your diet today.
– It’s Tom Brady’s cheat day, too.

DJ Khaled invented a weight loss app
– Everytime you lose a pound, his voice comes on and says “Another one”

How do most people curb their appetite?
– At the drive thru window.

Why did the cannibal only eat coma patients?
– The doctor said he needed more vegetables in his diet.

Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.
– I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.

Did you hear about this year’s newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?
– The swim-fast diet.

I had to quit my vegetarian diet
– Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.

Smoking promotes weight loss
..eventually

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