Country jokes 🐄🌾🚜 in 2025

A sports car is driving in Amish country.
– He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, “Would you like some help, English?”. The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Amish man dismounts and ties his horse to the car. “Alright Nelly, pull!”. The horse remains motionless. “Now you Chester, Pull!”. The horse again, does nothing. “Come Blacky, pull!”. Finally the horse takes some steps and effortlessly pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road. “Woah, Blacky, that’s good!”, the Amish man calls and the horse stops. The motorist shakes the Amish man’s hand and says, “I really appreciate the help, but why did you call that horse by three different names?” “Oh, the Amish man says, that horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to do it, you see, but if he thought he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”

Which part of America has four eyes but still can’t read?
– Mississippi.

What is a lion’s favorite American state to live in?
– Maine.

How many Country singers do you need to change a lightbulb?
– Two. One to change it and the other to sing about the good times they had with the old bulb.

Did you hear about the Southern Viking who died?
– It is believed he went to Y’allhalla.

What did Delaware for the football match?
– Her New Jersey.

What country looked appetizing to Godzilla back in the 70s?
– Viet Nom

Nikita Khrushchev is giving a speech on the necessity of de-Stalinizing the country. Someone in the crowd yells “And why didn’t you do anything about it before Stalin died?!”
– Khrushchev stands straight up and bellows “WHO SAID THAT?!?”, looking left and right. When there is absolute silence and no one owns up to it, he says (in a normal voice) “That is why”.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
– When every American knows that America is the best country in the world

A man is out in the country when his car breaks down.
– After a while a group of guys in a pickup stop to check on him. They help get his car started, but then they beat him up, take his clothes and wallet, chain him to a tree, and take off with his car.
He’s facing the tree, so he can’t see the road, but he hears a car drive up and starts yelling for help. He hears footsteps behind him, and someone asks, “what happened to you!?”
“These guys stole my clothes, my money, and my car, and left me here! Help!”
He hears the sound of a zipper and the guy says, “man, this just ain’t your day.”

Why is it that the Minnesota Vikings cannot eat their cereals for breakfast?
– It’s because they tend to choke a lot when they come too close to a bowl.

Which US state is the most down to earth?
– Floor-ida.

Why is Taylor Swift not a fan of the West?
– Because the last time she came in contact with a West, she was told she wasn’t worthy of her award.

Why did the New Yorkers speak slowly to Southerners?
– Because they wanted to give them the chance to catch up.

A guy was driving down a country lane and he ran over a rooster
– He was very upset.

He went to the farmhouse and knocked on the door and a woman opened it and he said: ‘I appear to have killed your rooster. I’d like to replace him.’

And she said: ‘Please yourself, the hens are round the back.

Ukrainian Peasant finds a Genie in a Bottle
– A Ukrainian peasant finds a genie in a bottle. The genie offers him three wishes. He’s a stupid peasant but he knows what he likes.

The peasant says, “I want the Chinese to invade Ukraine from the east and then go back to China.”

So it happens and the Chinese army invaded Ukraine from the east and easily defeats the country.

For his next wish, before the genie can even finish his sentence, the peasant again asks for the Chinese to invade Ukraine from the east and then go home.

So it happens. And the Chinese defeat Ukraine from the east.

For his third wish, the peasant again asks for the Chinese to invade Ukraine from the east and go home.

“I gave you three wishes,” the genie cries. “Why did you ask for the Chinese to invade Ukraine from the east three times?”

Because to invade Ukraine 3 times they had to go through Russia 6 times

If Biden is elected, I’m leaving the country
– If Trump is reelected, I’m leaving the country.
This is not a political post. I just want to travel.