Country jokes 🐄🌾🚜 in 2024

What would I do if my wife gets angry in the Northern cold?
– Alaska later what’s wrong.

63. Why did the Country musician lose his sponsorship with Coca Cola? Because his songs weren’t pop enough for them!

Why are there no more minerals on the West Coast?
– Because they Oregon.

What did Biggie say after looking at the map of the United States?
– “Where Brooklyn At!?”

In America, you listen to country
– In Soviet Russia, country listens to you!

A young man is vacationing in Spain…
… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hostels that dot the country. It should be pretty boring, he thinks, but he ends up becoming more and more enthralled. Finally, after the thrilling finish of a round, the now-hooked traveller approaches the bartender.

“Hey,” he hurriedly says, “can I join the next game?”

The bartender arches a bushy eyebrow. “Really? Feeling swept up in the trivia?”

The young man nods. “I’m as surprised as you are, honestly. I wouldn’t have expected that I’d want to play so bad.”

The bartender sighs and nods. “Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Quiz itch, son.”

What would you do if the world ended tomorrow?
– I’d move to Bosnia because the country is 10 years behind everyone.

A foreigner enters a country and gets a taxi.
– On his way to the hotel he points at a tall building and asks the driver,’How long did it take to build that building?’. The driver responds, ‘Two years.’. ‘TWO YEARS! In my country it would have taken only Two months’,The foreigner said.

After a while, the foreigner again asked,’How long did it take to build that building?’ pointing at a taller building. The driver respond,’Three years.’ .’ THREE YEARS! In my country it would have taken only One year’,The foreigner said.

Some more time passes, The foreigner again asked,’How long did it take to build that building?’ pointing at the tallest building. The driver feeling his country’s reputation on the line said,’One month.’. The foreigner, not to be out done, said’ ONE MONTH! In my country it would have taken only 15 days’

A few minutes later, they pass by the country’s tallest most famous building. The foreigner naturally asks,’How long did it take to build that building?’. The driver sighs and says,’How do I tell you this?’. The foreigner looks confused and asks,’Tell me what?’. The driver says,

‘On my way to the airport this morning, there was no building there.’

Where would you find people suffering from sadness?
– In the state of Missouri.

What did the police department name their squad of short policemen?
– Minneapolis.

Why did the drunk man take a taxi from Louisiana all the way to Washington?
– Because he wasn’t in the best of states.

Why was the cowboy let go from his work?
– Because he was de-ranged.

Why does my friend spend one quarter of his time playing American Football and another 25% playing Piano?
– He’s a Quarterbach.

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.
– They were wearing robes and sandals, had shaved heads and holding up signs.

One sign read “The End is Near!”

The other sign read “Change Before it’s Too Late!”

He slowed the car and rolled down the window. “Get lost you religious nuts!” He yelled.

He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.

One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said “Maybe we should simply write ‘warning: bridge ahead closed'”

Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side…
Lenin says: “Joseph… I’m not sure you’re the right man to lead the country after me. I don’t know if the people will follow you.”

Stalin responds: “Don’t worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you.”

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
– His buddies are amazed. “There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?”

“It’s simple,” John says, “I lied to her about my age.”

“Did you tell her you were 50?” his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

“There is no way she could believe you were 40”. John shakes his head again.

“So how old did you tell her you were exactly??”

John smiles and says “85”.

France just made a 2 letter abbreviation for their country
– Oh, fr?