Country jokes 🐄🌾🚜 in 2024

How many northerners does it take to change a lightbulb?
– Hella.

Why is everybody in Canada a lot cooler than the USA?
– Because of their winter.

I went to another country famous for their Pole dancing.
– 2/10, definitely not worth the trip to Poland.

Russians are very flexible, and are world-class ballerinas, figure skaters, and gymnasts
– They use their flexibility in other ways, too! It’s the only country where there are regularly suicides with bullets to the *back* of the head.

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon
– Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it’s starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Zelensky throws out Putin and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway” and looks at Biden smugly as they crash anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky’s balls.

A joke from my country (Brazil)
– In an international police convention, American FBI, English Scotland Yard and Brazilian BOPE are about to take part in a competition.

A rabbit will be set loose in the woods and the team that retrieves it in the shortest time wins.

First goes the Scotland Yard. They use hounds and helicopters and come back with the rabbit in 2 hours.

Secondly goes the FBI. They use high-tech gear and drones with thermal image cameras and return with the rabbit in 1 hour.

Last to go in is the brazilian BOPE. They return after 20 minutes with a bloodied pig, a written confession and the animal is screaming: I’m a rabbit! I swear I’m a rabbit.

Why did the man from Colorado shift to Las Vegas?
– Because he wanted to take a gamble.

Why did the Indian family love living in Texas?
– Because there’s a Delhi on every corner.

What’s the similarity between a tornado and a southern divorce?
– Someone is going to lose their trailer.

Why haven’t Americans changed their weighing method from pounds to kilograms?
– Because they don’t want mass confusion!

Funny country-name pun (it’s of a small little-known country so don’t worry)
– So there’s his country between France and Spain. It’s so tiny, it’s Andorra-ble.

A german and an american are talking. “My country is so big, it takes me two weeks to drive from one side to the other,” says the American.
– The German: “Oh, I used to have a car like that…”.

What is Russia’s favorite olympic sport?
– Cross-country

What do you call it when a southerner commits treachery?
– Betra-y’all.

A man was rravelling along a country road in his car, when a strange thing passed and overtook him.
– Not wanting to be outdone, the man speeds up his car, but is unable to catch up to the thing. Just before reaching a side road, he sees the thing dissappear into some bushes at the side of the road.

The man turns off at the parallel road and stops at a farmhouse there. He gets out and rings the doorbell. The door is opened by a farmer.

Good Evening sir, I saw a strange object go in your fields. Do you have any idea what is it?

The farmer replies – Oh yes, that must be one of my three legged chickens. I have been breeding them specially.

The man is surprised and asks – Three legged chickens? Why would you want chickens with three legs?

So that when I catch one, there would be one leg for the wife, one for the son and the remaining one for me.

The man nodded, saying – I see. What do they taste like?

The farmer shrugged his shoulders saying – Don’t know. I haven’t been able to catch one yet.

What’s different when you compare the Memphis Grizzlies with a dollar bill?
– The dollar bill is good for four quarters.

Which fast-food chain is most likely to win an NBA Championship?
– Dunkin’ Donuts.