Country jokes 🐄🌾🚜 in 2025

What happened to the American who went to the hospital with a broken leg?
– He went broke.

Why was there no trace of electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?
– Something was Amish.

A general once asked Napoleon Bonaparte if he was capable of leading a country.
– “Of Corsican,” he replied.

A man goes to a bar and orders three pints…
– The bartender serves them and the man sits down and proceeds to drink one after the other until all three are gone. He returns the bar and orders three more, drinks them, and then returns to the bar once more…

The bartender says, “you know they’ll stay colder and fresher if you order them one at a time.”

“Ah, sorry, let me explain,” says the man. “My two brothers and I used to always get a pint together but they’ve both moved out of the country, so I’m honoring them by getting three at a time.”

This continues and the man becomes a regular of the bar, never breaking his routine of ordering three pints at a time…

…until one day he comes in and only orders two. The bartender notices the change but doesn’t say anything. The man drinks the two pints and then returns to the bar and orders two more.

The bartender says “I’m so sorry for your loss, sir.”

Confused, the man says “I’m sorry? What loss?”

The bartender says “oh, well I just assumed that one of your brothers died.”

Laughing, the man says “oh, no, my brothers are both alive and well, I just quit drinking!”

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to…
– celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.

“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”

Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?”

“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.

John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”

A sports car is driving in Amish country.
– He skids on the road and crashes into a ditch. He gets out unharmed and looks at his car in dismay. A few minutes later an Amish man comes riding by in a horse and buggy. The Amish man stops and asks, “Would you like some help, English?”. The man quickly says he would, and just as quickly the Amish man dismounts and ties his horse to the car. “Alright Nelly, pull!”. The horse remains motionless. “Now you Chester, Pull!”. The horse again, does nothing. “Come Blacky, pull!”. Finally the horse takes some steps and effortlessly pulls the car out of the ditch and back onto the road. “Woah, Blacky, that’s good!”, the Amish man calls and the horse stops. The motorist shakes the Amish man’s hand and says, “I really appreciate the help, but why did you call that horse by three different names?” “Oh, the Amish man says, that horse is blind. He’s easily strong enough to do it, you see, but if he thought he was doing it alone he wouldn’t even try.”

Which part of America has four eyes but still can’t read?
– Mississippi.

What is a lion’s favorite American state to live in?
– Maine.

How many Country singers do you need to change a lightbulb?
– Two. One to change it and the other to sing about the good times they had with the old bulb.

Did you hear about the Southern Viking who died?
– It is believed he went to Y’allhalla.

What did Delaware for the football match?
– Her New Jersey.

What country looked appetizing to Godzilla back in the 70s?
– Viet Nom

Nikita Khrushchev is giving a speech on the necessity of de-Stalinizing the country. Someone in the crowd yells “And why didn’t you do anything about it before Stalin died?!”
– Khrushchev stands straight up and bellows “WHO SAID THAT?!?”, looking left and right. When there is absolute silence and no one owns up to it, he says (in a normal voice) “That is why”.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.
– When every American knows that America is the best country in the world

A man is out in the country when his car breaks down.
– After a while a group of guys in a pickup stop to check on him. They help get his car started, but then they beat him up, take his clothes and wallet, chain him to a tree, and take off with his car.
He’s facing the tree, so he can’t see the road, but he hears a car drive up and starts yelling for help. He hears footsteps behind him, and someone asks, “what happened to you!?”
“These guys stole my clothes, my money, and my car, and left me here! Help!”
He hears the sound of a zipper and the guy says, “man, this just ain’t your day.”

Why is it that the Minnesota Vikings cannot eat their cereals for breakfast?
– It’s because they tend to choke a lot when they come too close to a bowl.

Which US state is the most down to earth?
– Floor-ida.