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Coronavirus Jokes ๐Ÿ˜ท๐Ÿ’‰ in 2024

The one thing quarantine has taught me…
-is you donโ€™t need fun to have alcohol.

How did the health experts lie? They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store.
-When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.

Y’all know what the best part of this quarantine is?
-Several months of no school shootings.

30 days hath September, April, June, and November,
-all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.

If I keep stress-eating at this level,
-the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.

What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19?
-It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.

I just wanted to share what works for me.
-This is just to give me structure and a sense of stability

Since quarantine I’ve not had a haircut. Hell, I’ve not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
-Who knew hair weighed so much?!

So many coronavirus jokes out there,
-itโ€™s a pundemic.

Iโ€™m not talking to myself,
-Iโ€™m having a parent-teacher conference.

This quarantine has been going on so long, my relationship with the gym has been slipping.
-I’ve had to start calling it the James again.

Once they come out with a corona virus vaccine I donโ€™t want to see any of you antivaxxers getting one.
-Donโ€™t be a hypocrite!

It’s only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
-otherwise, it’s just sparkling isolation

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
-I came into my house, told my dogโ€“we laughed a lot.

What’s worse than living in quarantine?
-Living in Karentain.

The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them.
-All thatโ€™s left is de brie.

Teacher:”What have you learnt in quarantine”
-Me: if a ball is too big for your mouth itโ€™s not yours

Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings.
-One of them says to the other, โ€œMine are so good at social distancing, they wonโ€™t even call me.โ€

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