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Corny jokes in 2025

A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick.
-He said, “Uno, dos…” and he disappeared without a trace.

What did the right eye say to the left eye?
-Between you and me, something smells.

What did one toilet say to another?
-You look flushed.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?
-A receding hare line.

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while.
-They’re normally around 90 degrees.

How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?
-With a cow-culator.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
-If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coluoring.
-The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

What do you call it when Batman skips church?
-Christian Bale.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, apart from one.
-He’s never gonna give you Up.

What do you do with a sick boat?
-Take it to the doc.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
-Because she was stuffed.

I’m glad I know sign language.
– It’s pretty handy

What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories?
-Leave the pizza in the oven.

I found a rock which measured 1760 yards in length.
– Must be some kind of milestone.

What does a spy do when he gets cold?
-He goes undercover.

What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?
-Keep your shirt on!

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