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Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2025

What do you call someone who transports construction site materials from one place to another?
– You call him a screw-driver!

What kind of criticism do architectural critics give?
– They give constructive criticism.

This Guy lives in a bad neighborhood and every night, when he walks home, he grabs a couple of cobblestones in each hand, for protection from thieves and muggers….

After some time, there is a pile of cobblestones outside his home…

His Contractor neighbor notices and asks, “What’s up with all these rocks?

Guy responds, “Oh, they’re the cobblestones I use to protect myself when coming home …blah da da blah…

Neighbor, thinks for a few, “I think we have enough rocks for a full fence here. Next time, when you come home, fill up some socks with some sand”

I just learned about the nonstop construction on Big Ben right now
– They really are working around the clock

While constructing a house, which building has the least weight?
– It most definitely is a lighthouse!

Why does a hammer remain upset all the time?
– Because he gets hammered every day!

What is the advice that carpenters are given from their first day?
– They are taught ‘Nails can fail, but the hammer shouldn’t ever stammer’.

I didn’t want to believe my cousin was a construction site thief, but one afternoon, when I decided to visit his house, all the signs were there.

Why couldn’t the diabetic work construction?
He had an allergic reaction when he met the formin

Why did Santa get fired from his construction job?
– He kept coming down the chimney

Why was the busybody constructor very poor in his work?
– Because he was always meddling in someone else’s business!

What happens when you press the button for the automatic hammer?
– It sings out, ‘You can’t touch this’!

What is a construction worker’s favorite view?
– The OSHA

When god created the world, the prototype human was almost finished.
– Then he said to the responsible construction angel: “Put little toes on them” “Why that?” “For the furniture, you’ll see that it’s going to be fun.”

What did the worker say about his favorite tool?
– He said a shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

Why couldn’t the worker open a restaurant named ‘The Crowbar’?
– It isn’t easy to open a crowbar.

Wanna hear a construction joke?
– Sorry, my subcontractors are still working on it, we’re behind schedule, my credit line and bank facilities won’t get approved because my auditor won’t release a clean audit report……it’s a mess.

An Austrian government official was given the task to find a contractor for a construction project.
– The first to reply was an Italian company which offered to do the work for a million Euros. Then a German company made a bid of two millions. Finally, an Austrian contractor came to the official and said he would need four millions to do the job.

“Why do you need four million Euros?” asked the officer.

“Well,” the man replied, “one million for you, one million for me, and we’ll let the Germans do the work!”

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