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Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2024

Two dogs have a home construction business and work on the tops of houses together.
– I guess you could say they work on woofs.

Which book is the Bible for all constructors?
– The book named ‘Knowing How To Tighten the Drill’ by Chuck Keys!

What did the worker say when the customer enquired as to whether the wooden ship will be reverted to its original shape?
– “Don’t worry at all. Everything will be in ship-shape”.

Why do dogs make great construction workers?
– They’re natural roofers.

What do you call a one night stand with a construction worker?
– Nut and bolt.

What do airplane builders think about their job?
– It is riveting.

Which seasons are the most distinct in the Midwest?
– Two seasons are most distinct- winter and construction!

Why did the underwater construction company close down?
– Perhaps because they went under!

want to hear my construction joke?
– oh nvm I’m still working on it

The size of the wildlife at construction sites is huge.
– I mean, just look at the size of those cranes.

Why is a construction worker usually known to put his fingers in blue colored paint?
– Because he wants to check the blueprint!

How does a mechanical engineer react if a hammer is thrown towards him?
– He ducts!

What do construction workers say before they begin a job. Let’s make sure we don’t screw this up.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.”

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither.”

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!!”

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.
– I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

Which song does a carpenter listen to the most?
– He listens to Opeth’s ‘Windowpane’!

Why are construction workers usually experts in arguing with others?
– Because they are all excellent de-batters!

A hopeless romantic drives a steamroller. He’s also quite a flatterer.

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