Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2025

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp … [long]
A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp.

He was urinating on one of the camp’s flowerbeds when he was arrested and given a punishment to move a pile of some 1000 bricks from a shed to a nearby site on the camp where some construction was to take place.

Midway into the punishment, and as the sun was rising and the camp coming more and more alive with soldiers reporting for duty, he caught a glimpse of a familiar face disembarking from a military vehicle.

He called out his name. He was his old neighbour.

The neighbour came to greet him, and as it turned out he was the in-charge of the camp.

“My friend, your soldiers here caught me urinating on those flowers. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was drunk. They gave me this punishment of moving bricks!” he complained.

His old neighbour looked concerned and responded, “It’s alright. Just return the bricks to where they were, there are people who will be moving them today.”

What did the constructor owner say when he realized that his workers were stealing things from the site?
– He said, “I can’t believe I missed it, but the signs were pretty clear”.

Why did the mayor fire more than half of the construction workers?
– He had realized that a shovel could usually stand up on its very own!

No one believes that I was able to cut through wood by staring at when I was a kid.
– But trust me, I saw it with my own eyes!

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections
He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

“Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems,” says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, “Ok tell me what they are,” he impatiently replies all the while looking around to confirm if the excessive display got a favorable response.

“O-ok, our first problem is a flu outbreak but we lack doctors and hospitals, and the second one is–”

The politician cuts him off “Stop right there, I’ll make some calls,” as the politician animatedly grabs his phone, punches the numbers, and makes his calls.

“Yes! Yes! That would be great, tomorrow then” he loudly replies before punching another number for another call, “Yes a hospital, I will pay for it personally.”

He hangs up and turns to everyone, “Good news, everyone! I have arranged for a group of doctors to come here tomorrow and check on those afflicted,” he loudly proclaims “I have also called for the immediate construction of a hospital which would begin as soon as we are able to find a suitable area today. Now what was your other problem?”

“Yes, our second problem is that we don’t have cellphone coverage here.”

How do Eskimos usually build their house?
– He usually i-glues it!

Which animals can be good construction workers?
– Dogs. They are good at roofing!

What did I do when my wife said that she loved heavy metal music?
– I simply took her to visit a construction site!

4 construction workers are parched from working under the hot sun all day.
– They have run out of bottled water and decide to knock on the door of the 1 house on the block that is finished and occupied. An old lady answers , they tell their story and she invited them in.

They sit at her kitchen table to ensure the sofa stays clean. She goes to the kitchen to gather up glasses and ice and make them drinks. Meanwhile, the guys notice a bowl of peanuts on the center of the table, and begin munching away. She returns , and the largest guy blushes and says, “Sorry Ma’am, we got a little carried away and ate all your peanuts while we were waiting.”

“OH, that’s quite alright,” says the old lady. “They are too hard for my weary jaw and teeth anyway. I just like to take my dentures out and suck the chocolate off of them.”

What do you hear if you take a construction worker’s hat off and hold it to your ear?
– The OSHA.

What do two unknown constructors build when they share food together?
– A friendship!

What does one feel when they see a lot of lame construction jokes?
– It makes them very board!

Why do construction workers make bad bartenders?
– When you order a stiff drink, they bring you a glass full of cement.

A construction worker.
A construction worker on his first day was tasked with picking up supplies from the lumberyard.

He walked into the office and said, “We need some 4x2s.”

The clerk said, “You mean 2x4s, right?”

The worker said, “Let me go check,”

He went back to the truck, soon returned and said, “Yes, 2x4s.”

“Alright, how long do you need them?” asked the clerk.

The man paused for a while and said, “Let me go check.”

He returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re building a house.”

When the construction of the chief’s new house was completed, he hosted a feast to thank these who aided him during the construction.
During the feast, everyone congratulates him and said: ” You’re extremely competent to build houses like this one here.”

His wife heard the compliment and spoke for her husband: ” Well, the credit isn’t all my husband’s, the credit goes to these who contributed! ”

After the feast, everyone returned home. A villager told his wife the whole conversation and praised the chief’s wife for being appropriate and polite.

A year later, the villager’s wife gave birth to a healthy boy. When the villagers came to visit the couple. Everyone said to the husband: “You’re really blessed to have such an adorable baby! ”

The newborn’s mother heard it and replied: ” Well, the credit isn’t all my husband’s, the credit goes to these who contributed! “

What do you call someone driving the road roller?
– He is an absolute flatterer!

What happens when you drive beneath an under-construction overpass?
– You are supposedly under construction!

I have this great joke about construction
– I’m still working on it

Got to hammer out a few kinks

Make sure to nail the delivery

I just don’t want to screw it up