Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2025

Why is a construction worker usually known to put his fingers in blue colored paint?
– Because he wants to check the blueprint!

How does a mechanical engineer react if a hammer is thrown towards him?
– He ducts!

What do construction workers say before they begin a job. Let’s make sure we don’t screw this up.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”

To the Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

And to the Chinese guy, “You’re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.”

So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.

He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

The Italian replies, “I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”

The Scotsman replies, “Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th’ Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin’ him neither.”

The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.

Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!!”

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.
– I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

Which song does a carpenter listen to the most?
– He listens to Opeth’s ‘Windowpane’!

Why are construction workers usually experts in arguing with others?
– Because they are all excellent de-batters!

A hopeless romantic drives a steamroller. He’s also quite a flatterer.

I didn’t believe when they told me my brother was a construction site thief
– But when I got home, the signs were there

Why did the plank of wood go into the bar?
– He wanted to get hammered.

What happens when a hairdresser and a carpenter starts arguing?
– It eventually leads to both going at each other with hammer and tongs!

Why was I unable to get construction supplies at the store?
– Because they said that it was under construction!

My uncle is a general contractor primarily focused on the construction of new branch locations for credit unions and other financial institutions.
– He makes bank.

The Polish Hero
– Four guys are in a bar; one of them has a completely flat head. The other three keep buying him drinks, each time loudly proclaiming, “And another for the Polish hero here!”

Finally the bartender asks what’s up.

“None of us would be here if it weren’t for our Polish friend,” says one guy. “We work construction, and a bunch of beams caved in on all of us. That guy’s head held up the beams until we could get out!”

“That is amazing,” the bartender agrees. “And did he get those scars on his chin from the collapse as well?”

“No,” says the guy. “That’s where we put the jack.”

How do construction workers usually party?
– They are always known for raising the roof!

Why do you need to give directions to a brick wall?
– It is perhaps because it is in need of re-pointing!

A construction worker and a cheating wife were having an affair. They bonded through conversations about the things they had most in common. They were both home wreckers.

A construction worker sits down in his favourite pub at the end of a long, exhausting week.
He orders a beer and takes a sip in pure bliss. From the corner of his eye he notices a cute little girl, but he pays no mind. All he can think of is the shimmering glass in his hands, filled to the brim with golden ale. As the night progresses, the folk get cheerier and louder each passing minute. He is, however, still seated at the bar enjoying his drinks.

The young woman from earlier places herself next to him. As she orders a drink, she engages in conversation with the man and he responds accordingly. The night moves on and the man and woman share stories and joy alike. She is very much interested in our working class hero.

“So, big man,” she asks flirtatious, hoping to lure him home with her “any concrete plans tomorrow?” The worker laughs and takes a big gulp of beer. “Honey,” he answers with a drunk grin on his face. “I don’t work weekends.”