Construction jokes 🚧🛠️👷 in 2025

Why was the worker sad when a newly constructed window broke?
– Because it was very pane-ful for the worker.

What did the worker say about his favorite tool?
– He said a shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

Why couldn’t the worker open a restaurant named ‘The Crowbar’?
– It isn’t easy to open a crowbar.

Wanna hear a construction joke?
– Sorry, my subcontractors are still working on it, we’re behind schedule, my credit line and bank facilities won’t get approved because my auditor won’t release a clean audit report……it’s a mess.

An Austrian government official was given the task to find a contractor for a construction project.
– The first to reply was an Italian company which offered to do the work for a million Euros. Then a German company made a bid of two millions. Finally, an Austrian contractor came to the official and said he would need four millions to do the job.

“Why do you need four million Euros?” asked the officer.

“Well,” the man replied, “one million for you, one million for me, and we’ll let the Germans do the work!”

What did the happy construction worker like attaching steel pipes with one another?
– Because he found that the work was very riveting!

What is the best advice one can give to someone to overcome difficulties?
– Always be the hammer, and you will see your problems becoming the nails!

Have you heard the famous miracle about the blind construction worker?
– One day he just picked up a hammer and saw.

Did you hear about that guy that lost his ear in a construction accident?
They reconstructed it from pig skin, the sound quality is good but there’s still a little bit of crackling…

A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp … [long]
A drunk coming from a night club at dawn wandered off the path and trespassed into a military camp.

He was urinating on one of the camp’s flowerbeds when he was arrested and given a punishment to move a pile of some 1000 bricks from a shed to a nearby site on the camp where some construction was to take place.

Midway into the punishment, and as the sun was rising and the camp coming more and more alive with soldiers reporting for duty, he caught a glimpse of a familiar face disembarking from a military vehicle.

He called out his name. He was his old neighbour.

The neighbour came to greet him, and as it turned out he was the in-charge of the camp.

“My friend, your soldiers here caught me urinating on those flowers. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was drunk. They gave me this punishment of moving bricks!” he complained.

His old neighbour looked concerned and responded, “It’s alright. Just return the bricks to where they were, there are people who will be moving them today.”

What did the constructor owner say when he realized that his workers were stealing things from the site?
– He said, “I can’t believe I missed it, but the signs were pretty clear”.

Why did the mayor fire more than half of the construction workers?
– He had realized that a shovel could usually stand up on its very own!

No one believes that I was able to cut through wood by staring at when I was a kid.
– But trust me, I saw it with my own eyes!

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections
He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

“Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems,” says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, “Ok tell me what they are,” he impatiently replies all the while looking around to confirm if the excessive display got a favorable response.

“O-ok, our first problem is a flu outbreak but we lack doctors and hospitals, and the second one is–”

The politician cuts him off “Stop right there, I’ll make some calls,” as the politician animatedly grabs his phone, punches the numbers, and makes his calls.

“Yes! Yes! That would be great, tomorrow then” he loudly replies before punching another number for another call, “Yes a hospital, I will pay for it personally.”

He hangs up and turns to everyone, “Good news, everyone! I have arranged for a group of doctors to come here tomorrow and check on those afflicted,” he loudly proclaims “I have also called for the immediate construction of a hospital which would begin as soon as we are able to find a suitable area today. Now what was your other problem?”

“Yes, our second problem is that we don’t have cellphone coverage here.”

How do Eskimos usually build their house?
– He usually i-glues it!

Which animals can be good construction workers?
– Dogs. They are good at roofing!

What did I do when my wife said that she loved heavy metal music?
– I simply took her to visit a construction site!

4 construction workers are parched from working under the hot sun all day.
– They have run out of bottled water and decide to knock on the door of the 1 house on the block that is finished and occupied. An old lady answers , they tell their story and she invited them in.

They sit at her kitchen table to ensure the sofa stays clean. She goes to the kitchen to gather up glasses and ice and make them drinks. Meanwhile, the guys notice a bowl of peanuts on the center of the table, and begin munching away. She returns , and the largest guy blushes and says, “Sorry Ma’am, we got a little carried away and ate all your peanuts while we were waiting.”

“OH, that’s quite alright,” says the old lady. “They are too hard for my weary jaw and teeth anyway. I just like to take my dentures out and suck the chocolate off of them.”