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Coffee jokes ☕ in 2025

When my 5 year old son asked me what coffee tastes like; I said
-Unfortunately, not as good as it smells.” And he said, “Oh. Like shampoo.”

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?
– They both suck without CREAM

What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing?
– Stand your ground coffee.

What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
– I asked for coffee.

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
-The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

A man is arrested late at night for drinking coffee…
-He was charged for resisting a rest.

If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don’t even work there
-you may be drinking too much coffee.

What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
-Java the Hut!

Who has the thickest coffee?
-App developers. They like their Java GUI..

What happens when a duck flies upside down?
-It quacks up.

I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm.
-I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.

Barista: How do you take your coffee?
-Me: Very, very seriously

Why was the teacher annoyed with the duck?
-Because he wouldn’t quit quackin’ jokes.

I like my coffee like Hamilton liked the source of his income.
-Black, and made by my wife.

Have you heard about Ford’s new electric coffee car?
-It’s the Mach-E Auto.

Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt!
– That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

How do you make Pig Jerky?
-Give them some coffee.

I finally leveled up my coffee game.
-All that grinding was worth it.

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