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Coffee jokes ☕ in 2025

Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee?
-Because he’s an idiot.

What type of food do you get when you cross a duck with a mole?
-Quackamole.

When I drink coffee I can’t sleep.
Really? I have the exact opposite.
– Wow, seriously?

Yes, when I sleep I can’t drink coffee.

How are men like coffee?
-The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.

To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot.
– I don’t know how you sleep at night

Why do I not like hot drinks?
– It’s just not my cup of tea.

My husband died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work.
-He didn’t suffer, it was instant.

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.
-My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee?
-Because according to the Torah, He Brews!

Why does Obi-Wan keep his coffee on the top shelf?
– He likes the high grounds.

How does Moses make his coffee?
-He brews.

Drinking coffee may reduce the chances of getting Alzheimer’s.
-Never heard that one before

What do you call a baby calf that’s lost his head?
– De-calf

What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
– I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!

I want to create a petition to switch the names of Mango and Coffee.
-Because Coffee makes Man go

Why do skeletons never drink coffee?
-Because it goes right through them!

How are coffee beans like kids?
-They’re always getting grounded!

How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?
-The Bible clearly says “He-brews”

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